Saturday, October 22, 2005

In The News...

I've been sitting on some prime comedy for a while... so here it is...


In The News

John Roberts confirmed as Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.

You know, I was watching his confirmation and noticed something. Roberts looks a hell of a lot like Ohio State football coach, Jim Tressel.

Now with Harriett Meiers as the next judicial nominee there’s a lot of conservatives upset with the nomination. Let me make the case for Jim Tressel… beyond looks. He is a conservative. I can prove this by the way he constantly sticks to the run despite having two of the best wide receivers in college football.

Justice Tressel? Sure I think it could work… but I don’t know if they’d let him wear the sweater vest over his robes!






Minnesota Vikings Sex Scandal.

Reportedly several Minnesota Viking football players were involved in a sex party involving hookers. Now how bad of a season are Vikings having when they have to start paying women for sex? Of course by this logic a brothel is a good investment in any NFC North city!

No word on if quarterback Dante Cullpepper was involved. But I doubt it since he hasn’t been able to find a receiver all season!




Weatherman blames Japan for Katrina.

An Idaho weatherman is putting forth the theory that a large electromagnetic device was used by the Japanese mafia to cause Hurricane Katrina in retaliation for the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings.

If this is the kind of technology they’re working on in Japan then Sony’s Playstation 3 is going to kick some SERIOUS ASS!




It’s about time I mentioned Birttany Spears’ baby But is it really news when an uneducated 20-something boozer who’s somewhere on the fence between looking pretty and pretty slutty has a kid with a looser guy whose girlfriend had a kid just 6 months ago?

Speaking of which, Fashionhound reports that Tom Cruse and Katie Holms are now expecting too.... whooopty-shit!




David Lee Roth to Replace Howard Stern

Former Van Halen Frontman “Diamond” David Lee Roth will be replacing Howard Stern when he moves to Sirius Satellite Radio in January. Does this mean that Sammy Hagar will be guest hosting for Rush Limbaugh? Heaven help me if I ever see Eddie Van Halen sitting in on the O’Reilly Factor.

I guess having nobody pay attention to him in New York is slightly more important than nobody paying attention to his solo career.

Heres a thought... GET BACK TOGETHER WITH VAN HALEN!!!!

2 comments:

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TK said...

From what I heard Daunte Culpepper was very much involved in the action on that boat. After todays game against Green Bay, I'd say that whatever happened there improved his game ALOT!

23-31, 280 Yds, 2 TD's

Go hookers! Go Daunte!