Wednesday, April 25, 2007

A case for using more toilet paper

This week Pop Singer Sheryl Crowe proposed: "I think we are an industrious-enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit."

But, she adds on her website: "Except, of course, for those pesky occasions where two or three could be required." (Full article)

Sheryl, you ignorant slut…

IF (remember I start these things with big if's) Global warming is caused by carbon being released into the atmosphere and carbon is offset by the planting of trees and toilet paper comes from trees then the right thing to do is use MORE toilet paper.

If you use more toilet paper then the demand goes up. If the demand goes up the cost of supply goes up, if the cost of supply goes up it then becomes more profitable for tree farmers to increase their tree production which means more trees get planted.

The free market will always find a way to supply for what is demanded.

If you want to save the dolphins we need to make burgers out of them.

There are no cows, chickens, pigs or any other animal you might find slaughtered and sliced for sale at your local grocery store on the endangered species list. The reason being is that the free market has ensured their survival because they are popular food items.

With no real purpose to the dolphin, there are no economic forces keeping it alive.

If dolphin burgers ever caught on, then there would be gigantic sea farms built because raising dolphins for meat would be a profitable business. With dolphins as a delicacy they would join cows, chickens, pigs and other animals raised for the slaughter, and consequently abundant in numbers.

(Special thanks to Dustin for inspiring much of this through our daily email correspondences)


Anonymous said...

Sounds as though you payed attention to conversations at the dinner table in your early years.

Anonymous said...

What I meant to say was that you paid attention at the dinner table.

Anonymous said...

You could show a little self respect, and respect to women and not call her a slut. That is really low.

azoric said...

Thanks, Dad, I got it the first time!


I love and adore women, Sometimes I even respect them, but I never disrespect them.

"Sheryl, you ignorant slut" is not a speronal attack on Sheryl Crowe, but rather a comedic reference to the early days of Saturday Night Live in which Dan Akroid and Jane Curtain would engage in a "Point/Counterpoint" segment. Jane would make her point and Dan would counterpoint with "Jane, you ignorant slut..."

at least I didn't call her a "Nappy-haired, hoe." I hear you can get fired for that

Anonymous said...

Gee Andy Z....please remind me why you are single?

azoric said...

That, my dear Anonymous, is a mystery for the ages...

Lisa said...

I never thought I would be debating TP but then again I never thought that I would buy water in a bottle. For arguements sake: It's difficult to compare animals to precious non-renewable rescources like trees/forests. Unlike trees, animals can reproduce rapidly and grow quickly. Paper mills are a problem on so many levels. They are increasingly deforesting prime forests to put in monoculture tree farms which are recipes for disaster. and more often to meet demand and for centuries they are deforesting, logging our ancient forests that can't be replicated. For example: Either way, Sheryl is still ignorant and we have more important things to worry about than putting TP under the microscope. I feel it can never hurt to be "greener" or "bluer" as you say. I do my part everyday and plant thousands of plants and help to plant over 600 trees each year, which more than makes up for my unavoidable environmental errors.