Thursday, March 02, 2006

Andy's Oscars

I'm holding my own Oscars this year. The rules of my awards show:
  1. No left-wing pinko commie rants in the acceptance speeches.
  2. No gay cowboys!

Also I will be limiting nominees to films I saw this year. All nominees will come from:

Here are my winners so far:

Best music:
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe.
It's an classic score with an epic sound. We've heard it before but it's what we've come to expect from our fantasy movies.

Best supporting actor/actress:
Michael Caine (Batman Begins)
The depth he brings to Alfred was some of the best exploration of this character there has ever been.

Best Actress:
Dakota Fanning: War of the Worlds
Yes she's only 12 but she can out act about 3/4 of the people in Hollywood. Her portrayal of a bright girl with an anxiety disorder saved the movie from Tom Cruise's off-screen soap opera.

Best Actor:
Steve Corell: The 40 year old Virgin
This strait man did everything right in making you believe he'd never known the pleasures of a woman. He also made you want to drink Orange Fanta!

Best Director:
George Lucas: Revenge of the Sith
This is really a lifetime achievement award for the father of the Star Wars Franchise. No he's not the best director, or even the best writer but he's brought a lot of innovations to the film industry. This is his last film so let's just wave goodbye to him while the waving's good!

Best Film:

I have 3 nominees :

  • The 40 Year Old Virgin - A raunchy comedy with a moral
  • Batman Begins - Actually a good movie!
  • Chronicles of Narnia - Amazing special effects

(I would have nominated Jessica Alba’s skin-tight uniform in Fantastic Four but there really is no Best Costume category at Andy’s Oscars)

So the winner will be determined in the most fair way possible. A game of Texas Holdem!

No betting, just whoever was first to hold the best hand 3 times wins the. People say that they watch Poker on ESPN2 for the larger-than-life personalities at the table. I say you haven’t played poker until you’ve played with Mr. Tumnus, Batman and a 40 year old virgin!

Round 1:
Mr. Tumnus wins with a pair of pocket 3's
Round 2:
Batman and Tumnus both have two pair of 10's and 8's with Batman's pocket 3 being the next highest card.
Round 3:
Batman wins again with a pair of 6's
Round 4:
The 40 Yeard Virgin takes a strain high Ace
Round 5:
The Virgin wins again wiht a second strait in a row!
Round 6:
in an unprecidented comeback the 40 Year Old Virgin's pair of 6's beat Batman's pocket 3's.
The 40 Year Old Virgin wins the Andy Oscar!
Congrats to Steve Carell taking home 2 Andy's Oscars and all the other nominees!

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