Friday, September 29, 2006

In The News

It's been a while but here it comes again...

The Adventures of Andy Presents:

PETA vs Six Flags over Roach promotion

People for Ethical Treatment of Animals is calling on Six Flags Great America to
cancel a live cockroach-eating contest planned for next month's Fright

Six Flags officials announced this week that visitors to
Fright Fest 2006 will be offered a chance to eat a live Madagascar hissing
cockroach, a three-inch version of the Blattodea order that is native to the
island of Madagascar, but raised on farms for use as pets and feed.

Okay PETA, since cockroaches are members of the Insect Kingdom and not the Animal Kingdom this one is out of your jurisdiction. Thanks for playing, we have some lovely parting gifts for you.

Just for comparison, a Madagascar hissing cockroach can grow to about the size of a Whitecastle slider…. And is only about half as gross.

My Two Dads

New York: A former boyfriend of Anna Nicole Smith says he is the father of
the former Playboy playmate's newborn daughter - and he is seeking a DNA test to
prove it.
In an interview on Us magazine's website, Larry Birkhead, a
photographer, described as laughable claims by Smith's lawyer, Howard Stern,
that he was the father of Dannie Ray Hope, born in the Bahamas on September

"I have asked for a DNA test," Mr Birkhead said. He was confident of the
result. "I know I am the father of the child. I look forward to having a
relationship with my new daughter."

I smell a sitcom!!!

HP chair deflects blame in spy saga,20867,20498924-36375,00.html

The role played by Mark Hurd and his assistants in the Hewlett-Packard
boardroom spying scandal moved further into the spotlight on Thursday as
Patricia Dunn, HP's ousted chairman, laid blame for the fiasco with the
computer-maker's management team.

Ms Dunn's denial of responsibility for the scandal came as Ann Baskins,
HP's general counsel, became the closest HP official to chief executive Mr Hurd
to resign as a result of the controversy.

See and this whole time you were worried about Bill Gates and the CIA…
it was HP the whole time.

You can send your apologies to:
Apologies: C/O Adventures Of Andy
Dublin, Ohio 43016

That’s the news, I hope it was as good for you as it was for me!

Monday, September 25, 2006

A Long Overdue Review of Pirates of the Caribbean 2

One of Disney’s biggest surprise hits of recent memory has been Pirates of the Caribbean. It is simply a swashbuckling tale of pirates, ghosts and the politics and romance of the British colonies.

Admittedly I have only seen the first movie once. It was shortly after the DVD release. Given the hype surrounding the sequel I did not have a chance to review the source material before seeing part 2.

However that did not take away from my enjoyment of part 2. And that’s as much as you need to know going into this movie. It is a pure joyride.

Continuing where the first film left off Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) is back in command of his ship, while Norrington (Jack Davenport) has Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) in custody and bargains with them to steal Jack’s magic compass so he might find a lost treasure.

Got all that? Okay cause that’s only the first half of the plot.

We soon find out that Jack Sparrow is on borrowed time and owes a debit to the mythic and visually stunning Davey Jones (Bill Nighy).

Throw in a love triangle between Bloom, Knightley and Depp and you find yourself in what boils down to the Star Wars of the high seas.

There are however two disappointing aspects to this movie. First it’s rated PG-13 for some intense images that could upset younger audience members. For older fans yes this is the Star Wars of the high seas. However, instead of bad guys in white plastic armor and an onyx-caped villain we have some rather gruesome half sea creature half human evildoers.

Continuing with the adult themes is the innuendo Depp creates when interacting with Knightley, as well as his drinking. Not quite the virtouous Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo was still a better roll model.

The second is the ending… it’s not. With Pirates 3 due in 2007 we are left with a cliffhanger that feels not so much like an ending to this movie, but the beginning of the third act. It just leaves you with that unfinished feeling when you leave the theatre.

The movie is paced well, always something visually appealing on the screen (but what’s not visual appealing about the Caribbean or Keira Knightley?). The humor is delivered with spot-on timing as well as believable and engaging dialogue. Overall the move does what the first does, but with a bigger effects budget and another edition due in a year. Like most of Disney’s live-action movies as of late this is a good one, but you may want to leave the sensitive younger kids at home.

P.S. Jack Sparrow runs like a girl!

Friday, September 22, 2006

The Parable of Han Solo

This week I was out buying a video game and looking at DVD’s when I saw the Original Star Wars trilogy on DVD. Now this is the original unedited versions that are without the 1997 special features that some fans believe ruined the saga.

One of the most notable changes is that in the Special Editions Greedo shoots at Han Solo first in the classic bar scene.

In the updated version Ben Kenobi and Luke Skywalker have just agreed to book passage on Han’s ship the Millennium Falcon. Once Han agrees he sends Chewbacca to ready the ship. With Han alone Greedo, a bounty hunter, corners Solo at gunpoint and fires a warning shot above his shoulder before Han fires back killing Greedo where he sat.

The original vision shows depicts Han unholstering his weapon below the table and before Greedo is aware that there is a weapon pointed at him he is dead.

All movies should be made like this! Not the updated PC version that makes many true Star Wars fans want to puke but the way that hits you in your gut as great movie making? Why because it’s believable!

And this is how the war on terror should be fought.

We know the terrorists want us dead. Like Greedo they’re pointing guns in our preverbal faces. Liberals in our country would like to think that the enemy would fire a non-hazardous warning shot before we should be allowed to fire a deadly counter strike. However they forget that their last “warning shot” cost 3000 lives, 4 airplanes and my favorite 2 buildings in New York City!

Back in 1977 Han Solo got it right.

Friday, September 01, 2006


Comments from Dustin on Women and how they view themselves:
I was talking with a co-worker (female) on the subject of weight loss and/or self-image for females. Pretty gutsy, huh? Well, she made a comment that girls always are very sensitve about weight because of how guys expect or want them to look.

I told her that was false. I said that girls watch their figure and try to lose weight to impress OTHER WOMEN, not guys. I went on to say that women think guys care a lot about women's weight and stuff, but we guys really don't care that much on the average. When she asked me why guys talk about really hot women and want to approach them because they were thin, I responded by saying that guys do that to impress OTHER GUYS.

I went on to say that women shouldn't worry about weight and if they would just eat and exercise moderately their body will find it's ideal weight and they will be healthier than being too thin for what they are meant to.

Here is what I did not say. Basically, all that worry is a waste of time and causes them to be bitchy. Guys don't like bitchy women. We guys would certainly put up with an extra (at least) 10 lbs. if the women would all be happy. We don't like mean stick women, we like happy and healthy women!

Basically what he's saying is we don't need you to be an anorexic bitch... we just need you to not be a bitch!