Friday, November 19, 2010

How Did We Get From “Don’t Tread On Me” To “Don’t Touch My Junk”?

With the latest intrusion into the travel industry by big Sister, we now have X-ray machines that display your naked body to prove you are not a terrorist. If you choose not to undergo the scan you can opt for a through groping by a federal employee who may or may not touch your junk. So while 0.02% of travelers are terrorists the other 99.98% of us are now being treated as potential terrorists with our only crime having been the purchase of a ticket to ride on an airplane.

I have a better solution, and the first step is for the federal government needs to get out of the airline security business.

The second step is to identify the party most motivated to provide security for air travel.

Who has the most motivation to not have the American fleet of airplanes damaged? Who has the most to loose if travelers are harmed?

The answer: the private businesses that make up the airline industry. The owners of these multi-million dollar pieces of equipment have a huge and immediate stake in keeping their investments secure. Also, the airlines are not in business to have their customers injured or killed.

Therefore what Homeland security should do is give security personnel hired directly by the airlines total jurisdiction to screen passengers by any means necessary. If a bouncer can deny me entry to a bar for whatever subjective reason he can come up with, then the airlines should be empowered to do the same. They should also get a pass on any "Discrimination" lawsuits as it pertains to security.

How would this be better?

First, no excessive pat-downs of grandmothers, toddlers or nuns.


Because any airline that gains a reputation for unnecessarily harassing their customers will loose said customers to competing airline with better screening processes.

This would also mean less cost of personnel at the airport, less expensive equipment (because the use would be limited to when necessary) and more overall security.

I believe that the government can also have a role in this system as well. Currently anyone purchasing one-way-tickets with cash are immediately flagged as potential drug dealers (I know this because a former co-worker of mine who was a frequent flier told me about being questioned by security on one of his business trips). But anyone purchasing a ticket usually does so with a credit card, and tickets require you to provide a name for every ticket purchased. It would not be difficult for FBI and CIA watch lists to be cross referenced with anyone purchasing a ticket. They would then alert local airline security to prevent any malevolent behavior.

Okay, yes I am suggesting Profiling.

But Profiling is done all the time. The highway patrol doesn't set up drunk driving checkpoints on Arbor day, but they do on New Years eve? Why? Because more people are out drinking on New Years! Is this profiling? In a way, yes. But in a bigger way it is a more reasonable allocation of resources. If you had a checkpoint on every street pulling over every car to check for drunk drivers at nine in the morning that would sound silly. But somehow that mentality has lead to the harassing three-year-olds as potential terrorists by the federal government.

Sure there are a lot of non-terror-seeking Muslims that fly, and they would be more likely to be additionally screened under this system than the average white-collar traveler, but so far the few Muslims that have caused problems have ruined it for all of us. But if those few bad Muslims had only ruined it for all Muslims then we might see more of an outcry from the American Muslim community about foreign-born terrorism than we have seen in the past 9 years.

Maybe I’m overreacting, but if a TSA worker is going to feel me up they should at least have the courtesy to buy me a drink first!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Welcome to the Pro-Life Cause, Liberals!

This week scientists discovered “the Liberal gene.” Scientists say that people "with a specific variant of the DRD4 gene were more likely to be liberal as adults." However, the, subjects were only more likely to have leanings to the left if they were also socially active during adolescence.”

So this means you not only have to have the gene, but also be one of the “Cool kids” in high school. Maybe Dennis Miller is right when he says adult life is just high school with money.

Here is my question: Is this gene identifiable prenatally? If so, does this open up the option for centrist to conservatives (fiscal, not social obviously) parents to abort their unborn bearded Marxists?

Since there is no word on a conservative gene, does this mean that liberals, hoping to pass on their love of tyranny (as long as they are the tyrants) is dependent on them bringing the next generation to term.

Therefore, be pro-life. The next generation of liberals depends on it!

Source: Scientists Find 'Liberal Gene' | NBC San Diego

Monday, October 25, 2010

It’s a hard knock life…

Okay I could be timelier on this and have posted it last week but since when is this blog about cutting edge news?

Last week after several hard hits in college and pro football, the NFL announced that it would start penalizing players for helmet-to-helmet hits with suspensions.

While you will find virtually nobody making the pro-head injury side of the argument (The closest you will get is Steelers linebacker James Harrison saying he wants to hurt people not injure them), avoiding head injuries is easy. Don’t play football.

The league minimum salary in the NFL is $325,000. Keep in mind that is the guy just barely making the traveling team and spending most of his time on the practice squad. The average American only makes less than one sixth of that. (Approximately $50,000).

But your big name guys who to not only actually get be on the field, but sometimes even touch the ball get paid a lot more. Football is a young man’s game, and typically a millionaire’s game.

The question is, for a million dollars how hard are you willing to be hit in the head? Keep in mind if you are capable of reading this far down on the page you probably don’t currently have a concussion. But that is essentially one of several factors in the high rate of pay of professional athletes, especially football. It’s hazard pay!

It’s the same reason an oil rig worker makes more than a first year law school graduate.

Why do these guys on defense hit so hard? The simple answer, because they’re paid to do so. Why to the guys on offense let them? Because they’re paid to also! If you want to be safe in your job for a long time, be an accountant.

Monday, September 06, 2010

the wedding toast

Not only did I publicly humiliate myself in front of complete strangers, I had it recorded and am no broadcasting it across the internet for anyone who did not attend the wedding?!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The First Lady went to Spain

- to the tune of “Never been to Spain” by 3 Dog Night

The First lady went Spain
And forty friends went with her
I hear they all went insane there
Financed by the tax payer
During a recession
Adds to my depression
Feels like oppression

Now take the guy from England
He’s got some wherewithal
When he headed for the US
Decided to fly commercial
Saved some moulah
That’s so cool, Michelle
Could take a lesson
…Take a lesson

Well, I never been to Harvard
But I’ve taken Economics
They told me not to overspend
Because it causes deficits
On the budget
They’re in the red, by
A trillion dollars!
A trillion dollars!

Lyrics by Andy Zoric

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Illegal Immigration to Oklahoma, not Arizona, what does it matter?

The democrats are politicizing this issue for entirely the wrong reason, but are somehow have found themselves on the right side of the issue.

Illegal immigration is a problem in Arizona and here are my thoughts on the law (without having been able to find a full text copy of the bill, and having read multiple summaries from news sites).

The law states that if you are suspected of a crime by police in Arizona, and you are proven to not be either an American Citizen or a legal immigrant then you are deported, or you could receive some more sever punishment than otherwise.

This is a great law if you operate under the assumption that everyone coming into this country illegally is doing so just to commit crimes in a new land.

This is not the case. This has never been the case with immigration, and for much of the history immigrants built this country. Our best days were the days of the melting pot where people of many nationalities came to be American, and as the integration of the Italians, Polish, British, Jewish and Spanish cultures happened over a few generations the early history of America, so will the integration of Mexican people.

Immigration is similar to gun control, in that when you make guns illegal, then anyone with a gun becomes illegal by proxy. The immigration standards to get into the US are so strict that it becomes less of a hassle to sneak in through wilderness and risking life and limb to get here rather than go through the legal process. You have essentially made immigration illegal and the only way for most Mexicans to migrate is to do so illegally!


There is a fact that anytime you have an expatriate settlement in a new land a certain criminal element comes with it. But that is always the minority. There are others that are slow to acclimate themselves to a new culture, think of it as the 80/20 rule.

Generally speaking I think you will end up with mostly the criminal element being dealt with by this Arizona law. Therefore, if you operate under the premise that existing immigration policy is good and just then this law, which empowers local law enforcement to enforce existing immigration law, is just fine and dandy.

Still you have a bulk of them trying to find a better life here than they would otherwise have had back home.

Also, one factor you have here is that there is a state’s rights issue here. If Arizona wants to limit immigration, they, under the 10th amendment should have that right. Texas has a very well used death penalty, Massachusetts does not. Does Boston have more violent crime than Austen? I don’t know off the top of my head, but people have the right to choose their state’s laws, and 71% of Arizona voters want this.

What the Democrats have done to politicize the issue is to make insinuations of race upon anyone who does not support amnesty (Reagan supported amnesty because let's face it, there are better ways to spend the federal budget without raising taxes). But the Democrats want to give something to the Hispanic population, a significantly sized minority, in exchange for expanding the voter base in their favor.

Why? Because in the current political climate they can't win without bribing voters, and anyone who opposes them is going to be called a racist!

Therefore the Democrats have the right idea, yet for the wrong reason. But it goes beyond that. Mexican-Americans are generally Christian (mostly Catholic), pro life, anti gay marriage, believe in strong family values... Essentially members of the religious right! And a generation away from outnumbering blacks as the largest minority in the US. The Hispanic vote is why the ballot initiative for gay marriage in California failed. Did you hear me: GAY MARRIAGE FAILED IN CALIFORNIA!!!

The real solution is to make the immigration process less cumbersome, give these people tax ID's and when they see all those deductions on their paychecks then they'll continue to vote Republican!

So here I am agreeing in practice with the Democrats, but not on principle!

Friday, April 09, 2010

Life imitates art? Or Who got it backwards?


Remember me? It’s been a while.

But here goes.

I hear President Obama is set to make an appearance on next week’s episode American Idol. The episode is entitled “Idol gives back” and is a charity fundraiser that to date has provided millions in funding for deserving organizations.

Now for the funny part…

Dennis Quaid probably could have made dozens of movies in the past decade playing caricatures of George W. Bush. Naturally, he bears a slight resemblance to the 43th president though slightly more macho looking. Come to think of it, he’s probably more suited to play former Florida Governor, Jeb Bush. But I digress.

Quaid probably didn’t want to be forever type cast as a bumbling commander in chief and wanted the opportunity to play more serious roles, like the commanding officer in “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra” so he really only satirized President Bush twice. The least memorable of which was a movie called “American Dreamz.”

American Dreamz, from what I recall from the previews (I, like 99% of everybody never actually saw the movie) an unpopular president, who just isn’t that smart, is set up by his staff to appear on a popular music talent show. I swear I am not making it up, you can see all the details here on IMDB.

Normally here I would say something like “You can’t make this stuff up!” But someone obviously did, but I’m not sure what the appropriate phrase is when something so improbable happens in real life that is right out of the plot of a horrible movie? Now we have another unpopular president who seems to have no idea how our economy works, and less of an idea how to fix it now seems to need to be seen on one of the most popular shows just so somebody will applaud when he is speaking. I only wish I were making this stuff up!

There is no doubt that people who make movies are overwhelmingly of the liberal nature. And anyone who has ever spoken to a liberal knows that it’s not just opinion, it’s a consuming mindset. While it is highly unlikely that the makers of “American Dreamz” and Obama’s cabinet are the same people we do know their brain’s work the same way.

Do they really think this will help the president? If it does we could see Obama in a lot more Prime Time situations.

“2 and a Half Men”
Charlie meets the President in a bar they get to talking and after breaking the seal Charlie complains about a burning sensation. After more conversation about Charlie’s lifestyle Barack tells him that it’s probably Gonorrhea and he can get it cured in 3 years once the healthcare bill goes into full swing.

“Undercover Boss”
President Obama works the assembly line at a GM plant. Cars fall apart faster than the US Economy.

Obama goes in for a checkup, and Dr. House is worried that once Obamacare becomes available to all Americans nobody will ever need a doctor again. Obama consoles House by saying he will meet all sorts of new and interesting people in the unemployment line!

Jack Bauer gets shot, President Obama uses the power of Obamacare to heal him.

Obama travels to an alternate timeline where he is still senator, Mitt Romney is president, the American economy is strong, energy independent, and is winning in Iraq and Afghanistan. Obama then tries to nuke the island so he can realign the universe.

It just occurred to me that my description of Lost makes no sense if you haven’t been watching for 6 years!