Saturday, July 28, 2007

Enough of the sentimental crap, here's some movie reviews

Summer movie reviews 2007:

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Something tells me...

Just because it's a blog doesn't mean I have to spell it out for you!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Why do pretty blonde girls make such bad decisions?

In a divergence from the ordinary, I am not going to be talking about either Al Gore or the iPhone, instead one of my other favorite topics: Pretty blonde girls who make bad life decisions.

Nothing makes for better news than a pretty blonde girl in trouble, be it Jessica Lynch, Natalee Holloway or the latest cable news sensation Miss New Jersey: Amy Polumbo.

Polumbo has been at the center of controversy because someone has sent “embarrassing” photos of her to pageant officials that could cost her the title of “Miss New Jersey” and possibly her slot in the Miss America pageant.

On the Today Show Miss Polumbo said that these photos "were meant to be private" when the put them on the internet.

For those of you who do not know, the internet is a series of interconnected computers networked over the whole planet. This as opposed to something that would be considered more private like say, a room with a locked door.

Before you get your hopes up, the photos not nearly as graphic as… well, whatever you’d get your hopes up for when a pretty blonde girl is embarrassed by photos of her that would get her kicked out of the Miss America Pageant.

I will now pose a new theory: Pretty Blonde girls make bad decisions. So if you’re a pretty blonde girl here is a list of five things you should always consider before making a decision:
  1. Nothing good ever came from getting drunk with foreign strangers

  2. Stay with your convoy when traveling through Iraq

  3. When being photographed getting out of your Porsche, make sure you have on underwear (clean or not)

  4. Don’t marry Kevin Federline

  5. If you want something kept private don’t put it somewhere that it can't potentially be accessed by every computer on the planet


Now as an endeavor to keep my Miss New Jersey crown (a state I have never actually been to) from ever being taken away I will preemptively post embarrassing photos of myself here:

Me at a Tracy's party holding a beer with Tracy, John and sme girl I don't remember (I don't remember her not because I was drunk, she just kind of showed up about the same time John and I got there and Tracy wanted a picture, but we didn't really talk to her the rest of the night).

Me drinking one big ass margaritta. I was of legal age to drink, but not of legal age to run for president.

Me dressed as Clark Kent.

Me dressed as a laundry basket.

Me dressed as Obi-Christ Kenobi.

David Hasselhoff (some of these aren't just embarassing for me).

Friday, July 06, 2007

Drinking Al Gore’s Cool-Aid

This weekend Al Gore will be hosting rock concerts around the world on each of the Earth’s continents (Antarctica was excluded for it’s obvious lack of participation in the global warming crisis). The concert series is inappropriately titled “Live Earth” when a more appropriate title for something like this, given we’ve had Live Aid and Farm Aid, since we’re trying to cool the earth with massive amounts of electric guitars and lighting effects this concert should be called “Cool Aid” Because if you’re there you’ve obviously already had at least a sip of Al Gore’s.

The Concert venues include New York, Washington D.C., Sydney, Johannesburg, Copenhagen, Hamburg, Rio De Janeiro, Shanghai and Tokyo.

Having been inspired by pop music (something that rarely happens to people not in junior high) I have decided to do my part to help cool the Earth.

I hereby pledge to turn my air conditioner on high at least once a week and open all my windows so that cool air will fly out the windows and cool the Earth.

Now, I can’t do this alone people. I encourage everyone to do this, especially if you have a window unit. Take the unit out, turn it around so that the cool air is blowing outside. You’ll have to get a bucket to collect all the condensation that would otherwise drip on your floor.

Gore Al-colite: But that won’t help global warming.

Andy: No not just one person but everyone working together

Gore Al-colite: Even if you had hundreds of thousands of people blowing air conditioning into the air you couldn’t change the temperature of the earth?

Andy: Then how can hundreds of thousands of people blowing their air conditioners inside their houses cause global warming?