Monday, December 01, 2008

I’m still alive!

Okay it’s been a while… it’s not that I haven’t been expressing myself online, you can check me out at where I’m the Buckeye Examiner (and there’s cash involved too!)

But a lot has happened since my celebrity sightings… Obama won turning us potentially into the USSA.

The wedding planning is ongoing, when I get a chance to update it I’ll have our wedding blog site up and running.

Krystle and mom bonded over black Friday shopping. I was scheduled to join them but at the last minute my Jack Bauer approach to shopping probably caused my invitation to be rescinded. Remember I as a man I don’t browse products to buy I hunt for them and with laser guided focus I ignore all other sales. I was planning itineraries, charts and cell phone logistics to maximize the potential for black Friday deals.

This is not how a woman shops.

But wouldn’t it be great if one season of 24 took place on black Friday? The following takes place between 6:00 Am and 7:00 AM

Phone rings
Jack, you have to get out of Best Buy, the Wii’s just got restocked at Wal Mart.

Chloe, there’s no time!

That would probably get more women to watch the show.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Celebrity Sightings

It’s funny how you can spot a famous person you’re note expecting to see. Friday night I was with my fiancĂ©, Krystle, who was working a Corona promotion. Normally I only drink Corona once a year on May 5th, but to support her cause I made an exception.
The promotion took place at a bar near Campus. Being a warm enough night there was lots of activity on the patio and many, many students wandering the sidewalk. Amongst the students of varying levels of clothing quality and inebriation I spotted an older gentleman with a bow tie. No not my dad, but the rock star of college presidents, Ohio State’s own G. Gordon Gee.

The thing about Dr. Gee is that he’s popular among students. I’m not sure if they just think he’s the guy who has those late-night tv commercials about money from the government, but he was swarmed by young buckeyes and posed for pictures and shook hands with as many as came up to him.

Then, and more importantly, on Sunday Krystle and I were in southern Ohio at the Bob Evan’s festival. I had asked a bean vendor (yes, a bean vendor!) where she got her McCain/Palin button. She said they were ordered online and there was no [official] GOP presence there (I did count about a half-dozen t-shirts supporting the republican ticket). The lady did inform me that Sarah Palin may be speaking at the Gallipolis Wal Mart. I told Krystle and said we should try and go, since we had to head that way anyway to pick up a camera.

Without any solid plans to attend Gov. Palin’s rally we were a few blocks away when we saw a motorcade of police motorcycles. Krystle tells me “We don’t have police like that around here!”

That’s when I spotted a bus coming around the corner. “That’s the Strait talk express!” I shouted.
Krystle said for me to roll down the window, which I had temporally forgotten how to do in the excitement.

I leaned into my car horn and held a big thumb up out the window while Krystle yelled “WE LOVE YOU SARAH!!!”

No word on if the VP candidate heard us but the bus driver waved at me!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Right now the DJIA is at 8,303.44

As of this post the Dow Jones Industrial Average is 8,303.44. This is roughly half of its all-time high.

At this point it's important to remember my Finance professor from college who once told me "We will likely see the Dow hit 20,000 in our lifetime [this was right around the time it hit 10,000 for the first time], but we might see 6 along the way."

This is a trend, just like that 90's dotcom boom. The thing about trends is that they are pretty consistent right up until they end.

Monday, September 22, 2008

It's Getting Nasty... Nasty Funny!

Political name calling happens in every election... but this year the theme is definitely "Same Circus, Different Clowns"

Well here's a brief synopsis of some back-and-forth.

Palin: "(A small town mayor) is kind of like being a community organizer, but with actual responsibility."

Obama Supporters: "Jesus was a Community Organizer, Pilate was a Governor"

Now asside for historical/theological inaccuracies, but honestly, how often do liberals really read the Bible and keep it in context.

Sure, Pilate was a governor, but it was Jesus' own people (the Jews) who condemned him. Pilate was just under pressure from Rome to not loose control of Judea. When Jesus came in with his ideals that upset the existing Jewish status-quo (kind of like Palin in the Alaskan political system) it was the Jewish Leadership who wanted him killed. Pilate offered them Barabbas, a convicted murderer, but mob rule demanded Jesus be crucified...

Okay that was a long-winded explanation for something that all worked out in the end, but I think the best way to say it is:

"I know Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ is a friend of mine. Barack Obama, you're no Jesus Christ!"

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

In the name of Obama, Amen

Last week Republican Presidential Nominee, John McCain, decided that while he’s locked up the moderate and crossover Democrat vote, he might want to consider working on the Republican vote. This was the determining factor in his choosing pro-life, gun-shooting, animal-killing, oil-drilling, free-market-loving Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential Nominee.

Psst, Sarah Palin is a girl!

Now this prompted me to notice that Democratic nominee Barack Obama seems to have constant woman issues, first it was Hillary, now it’s this feisty Alaskan babe.

Since it seems to be Women who keep getting in Barack’s way, what would his response be to such opposition. I created the following phony Obama ad and posted it on Rupart Murdoch owned Myspace, specifically sending it to a few Obama-supporting friends.

The replies back were stunning…

First, a girl:
“That’s what I’m talking about… no girls!”

And a Canadian:
“If I were American I would (vote for Obama)…”

Now that I’ve back-handedly stated that Obama Supporters are trampling on the woman’s movement on the way to the Whitehouse, the Obama Supporters just don’t see it like that. To them anything done in the name of Obama is good. From his stance of infanticide to his acceptance as the party’s nominee in front of a Julius Caesar-like Roman Coliseum. It appears you can do anything in front of an Obama supporter when you pretend to be one of them.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

In the news:Biggest Celebrity in the World Edition

This is my rundown of the biggest celebrities in the world:

Paris Hilton Responds to McCain Ad
Hilton released a Web video of her own Tuesday saying her inclusion in McCain’s ad must mean she’s running for president.
The tongue-in-cheek video is laced with age-based insults. Hilton may not be known for her trenchant wit, but the two-minute spot is a satirical blend — part “Daily Show,” part “Legally Blonde.”
So if Paris has to respond to the McCain ad comparing Barak Obama to her, this
must mean that she doesn’t want to be associated with Obama. Or maybe she’s just
upset that she’s no longer considered the biggest celebrity in the world.

McCarthy: Favre not ready to play for Packers
Speaking publicly for the first time about his series of meetings with Favre, Green Bay head coach Mike McCarthy said the quarterback was not in the "proper mindset" to continue as a member of the team.
Well with the way Brett has been bellyaching about wanting to play again his
mindset must be that he’s the biggest celebrity in the world!

Olsen seeks immunity over Ledger
Actress Mary-Kate Olsen will not speak to investigators about Heath Ledger's death unless she is granted immunity from prosecution.

An official said the 22-year-old wants the assurance before speaking to the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA).

Olsen was the first person contacted by the masseuse who discovered Ledger's body. Her lawyer said she has told the authorities all she knows.
Ah the plight of being the most wanted celebrity in the world and having to deal
with the deadest celebrity in the world! It could be worse. These two could be
the biggest celebrities in the world.

Poll: Nearly half hearing too much about Obama
With Election Day still three months away, 48 percent said they're hearing too much about the Democratic candidate, according to a poll released Wednesday by the nonpartisan Pew Research Center. Just 26 percent said the same about his Republican rival, John McCain.

Much like Paris, Brittney, Brett Favre, The Oleson Twins, Mylie Cyrus, P
Diddy, and anyone else that has been over-exposed by People Magazine, it’s not
long before people get fed up by the Biggest Celebrity in the World.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Take Me Out To The Ballgame...

Take me out to the ballgame… That simple song about rooting for the home team, eating peanuts and cracker-jack and counting the outs with the umpire is a true reflection of the innocence and simple pleasure of watching baseball. That song alone may be what separates baseball from the other major sports. But shouldn’t other sports have songs too?

Take me out to see football
Take me out with the crowd, that has been drinking beer in the parking lot since 5 AM this morning
Buy me a six dollar hot-dog
I won’t get any change back
So let’s root, root, root for the home team
If they don’t win they’re out of the playoffs and may move to another city.
For it’s 1, 2, 3, player convictions
At the Football game!

Take me out to see Basketball
Take me out with the crowd of celebrities in the front row while the rest of us are stuck in the nosebleed seats
Buy me a replica jersey of the guy who just got injured
I don’t care if he ever comes back
So let’s root root root for the home team
If they don’t win the refs probably have the game fixed
For it’s one, two, three steps and no travel called
At the Basketball game!

Take me out to see Hockey
Take me out with the crowd
Buy me something to throw at the penalty box
I don’t care that the game isn’t being shown on TV
So let’s root root root for the home team
Just hoping they don’t strike again
For it’s one-two-three teeth knocked out in the hockey fight!

Take me out to see Soccer
Take me out with the crowd of ninteen
Buy me the jersey of some European team
I don’t care that nobody here speaks English
So let’s root root root for the home team
If they don’t win there will be a riot
For it’s 1, 1, 1 goal score
in this whole damn game!

Friday, July 18, 2008

In The News

Seriously, I haven’t done one in entirely too long….

Gore urges U.S. to have carbon-free power in decade
WASHINGTON — Former Vice President Al Gore urged the United States on Thursday to convert the nation’s entire electricity grid to carbon-free energy within 10 years, warning that drastic steps are needed to avoid a global economic and ecological cataclysm.

I haven't picked on Mr. Gore in a while, but this is just too easy: Gore plans on helping this along by using up all the fossil fuels by flying all over the world making these statements in his personal private jet.

FDA gives all-clear on tomatoes, not peppers
Jalapeno, serrano varieties focus of salmonella hunt
WASHINGTON — The Food and Drug Administration declared on Thursday that it is again safe to eat all tomatoes now on sale in the U.S., canceling its warning in June that some tomatoes were the cause of a still-unsolved outbreak of salmonella poisoning.

This further proves my theory that Al-Quaeda is trying to kill us with Salsa!

Britney Spears gives sole custody to Kevin Federline. For now.
isn't she dead yet?

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have reportedly reached a settlement in their acrimonious 1½-year-long court battle over custody of their two sons.

Federline has sole custody of Preston, 2, and Jayden, 1. And Spears keeps her current status of two visits and one overnight per week.

We all knew Britney was a bad parent, but how bad was she that these kids are better off with the jagdork willing to marry her! Reportedly the chidren get along with K-Fed’s illegitimate child he conceived just before marrying the pop star.

Starbucks identifies stores slated for closure
No coffee no peace, know coffee know peace?
Coffee chain to shutter more than 600 stores in response to slowing sales, sluggish economy.
NEW YORK ( -- Starbucks Corp. released a list Thursday of the 616 company-owned stores it will shutter by the first half of 2009.

The closures accompany planned layoffs of 12,000 workers. Starbucks currently operates 7,087 stores in the U.S.

Can we blame the coffee bean speculators for keeping the prices high? Or is it just the CEO’s of Big Coffee? Maybe it's a supply and demand problem with the growth of Chinese coffee drinkers. It's actually because Gas prices so high people are choosing to fill up their car than their mug. Now every one of those pansy-assed late-sipping New York Times reading, Ed Hardy wearing pseudo-sophisticated coffee shop socialites now have a reason to expand offshore drilling too!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Playing the Brett Favre Lottery (revised)

Here's a list of every NFL team and the likelihood that one of them will sign Brett favre. Given Favre only wants to start, he really wants to win, and there are salary cap issues to consider. Of course with two years left on his contract the Green Bay Packers aren't just going to let him go to any team who needs an experienced quality quarterback. So assuming the Packers do make a trade, this is a list of teams the Packers are most likely to deal with.

Buffalo****It's as cold as Green Bay, and they probably have the salary room
Kansas City***Does this team even have a quarterback right now?
New York Jets***He's a country boy at heart, but we know he looks good in green
Tampa Bay***John Gruden loves Quarterbacks and would probably be willing to sign Favre
Carolina***Given how banged up they were under center last year you may have John Fox's attention
Washington***Could happen, and this team does like to finagle with salary cap numbers
Seattle***Reunion with Holmgren? And Hasslebeck has experience backing up #4.Okay realistically this should only be a 1-2 star ranking, but a guy can dream can't he?


***When you spend your first pick on Joe Falco, Favre for a year could be an upgrade. Then again after seeing Steve McNair last year Baltimore may be the new place Quarterbacks go to die.
Houston**Matt Schaub was an upgrade from the perpetually sacked David Carr, however Favre would be a better upgrade… if he can be protected
Denver**Willing to look into Favre's glucose levels
Miami**Would be a good one-year mentor for rookie draft pick Chad Henne
Atlanta**Yes, but only if he's an animal lover!
San Francisco**This would make Joe Montana the second best QB to have played in the City by the Bay
Cincinnati*Carson Palmer is still the starter, but depending on how this plays out, Palmer may be taking notes on how to get a new team.
Tennessee*Only if Vince young is willing to switch to slot receiver
San Diego*It really doesn't matter who the QB is here as long as LaDanian Tomlinson is healthy
Oakland*This is JaMarcus Russell's year… to finally see a down
St. Louis*Probably looking more to the future than giving a semi-retired all-star another shot
PittsburghJust resigned Ben, not looking for another starter
ClevelandJust hoping to avoid a
QB controversy without a future hall-of-famer stirring the pot
IndianapolisThey should just rename this team the "Peyton Mannings"
JacksonvilleAfter David Garrard's unbelievably low interception numbers, he's under center for the foreseeable future
New EnglandTwo words: Tom Brady
Green BayHell no!
DetroitTraded out of the division before this happens
MinnesotaTraded out of the division before this happens
New OrleansOf all the offensive tools this team needs, Quarterback is not one of them
DallasCan you say Tony Romo?
New York GiantsOnly Baltimore is stupid enough to replace a quarterback the year after winning a superbowl
PhillidelphiaHow's Brett's 40? What this team really needs is another receiver.

Already has one old guy who thinks he's better than the young hot-shot.

Of course there are other factors, that could be used to further wittle down this list. It's unlikely that the Packers would deal with another playoff team in the NFC. They definately will NOT deal with any team in the NFC North. Finally the Packers definately won't deal with a team on their 2008 schedule. That discounts the following teams:

New Orleans

But what happens if Favre goes to a mediocre team and after 8 weeks, it gets colder the practices are harder and he's looking at a 4-4 record at best? Does Brett remember that he said he still wanted to play but wasn't willing to put in the work? Has he taken an attitude that the NFL is all about him and what he wants, and then just screws a team by re-retiring midseason?

Monday, July 14, 2008

Let's face it, all the good songs have already been written

Musings on the Music Industry between Dustin and Andy

From Dustin:
I think I just figured out what makes classic rock so great and today's music so bad. It's all opposite of how it used to be. The music industry takes people and tries to create something. When they take a song they try and create some type of emotional hook so the fans like it.

Years ago in the age of classic rock you had bands whose works evolved from their own feelings, experiences, and emotions. Then, they went to the companies themselves to try and make it big.

My Reply:
Your theory would explain the rise of independent rock.

The other thing is that the music industry isn't just a music industry anymore. Look at the pictures of bands from the 70's like Humble Pie and Grand Funk... or even how the Beatles looked on the Hey Jude album.

They had scraggly beards, wrinkled clothing and weren't much to look at. However it was the music that mattered so nobody cared and they created classic rock.

Then came the 80's. You have MTV as the new major outlet for music and all of a sudden it was visual. Now it mattered how you looked, so much so that we had Twisted Sister wearing Makeup.

I recently heard someone on the radio comment that some early 80's one-hit-wonder would have been HUGE if he had debuted 5 years earlier, but when looks started to matter his career was cut short.

Not to say that there weren't some great bands after that. But for every Bon Jovi, Def Leopard, and Van Halen there were 4 ugly bands that was at least as talented.

But when the corporations who analyzed that the great 80's rock bands were really just an extension of classic rock bands who showered regularly we had record companies putting studio musicians together and calling them a band. This gave us crap like Winger.

This was the start of what you described as unemotional corporate rock. The grunge movement was a brief backlash to that, but while rock had become pseudo-emotional grunge was itself unemotional.

Now more than ever we have the music corporate entities telling us what we want instead of letting us decide what we want. From radio to record sales to any commercial musical venture the music industry is forcing us to listen what THEY want us to listen to.

Guess what, the music industry is hurting. They blame MP3 file sharing over the internet, but why do I pay $9 a month for Sirius? It's because I get 4 classic rock stations that play different brands of classic rock, and every other segment of music I can think of. the majority of Americans own iPods, not because we're gadget obsessed consumers, but because it gives us a chance to create a play list of only the music we WANT, not what we're told to want.

The music industry is hurting because they're trying to dictate the rules of the free market instead of abiding by the will of the free market.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Obscene Oil Profits and How to Put an End to Them

Barack Obama is an idiot. And because John McCain can’t come up with this idea on his own he’s likely not much better. Now I know that the biggest criticizer of “big oil” (By the way, I looked it up, there is no single entity called “big oil” just a group of publicly held companies operating in the oil industry) and coiner of the phrase “obscene profits” is Hillary Clinton, but aside from a potential VP nod and subsequent plot to take the Oval Office from within the administration, she’s a non-factor right now.

That leaves us with Barack and John. I pay their salaries; I think its okay for me to address them on a first-name-basis.

Obama’s position on $4 gasoline is summed up in his statement “We can’t drill our way out of this,” meaning that he would rather see more hybrid cars, mass transit and people turning off their Air Conditioning and Heat. His statement “we can’t” doesn’t refer to a physical inability; it is actually an ideological roadblock: “we shouldn’t.”

McCain’s solution to high gas prices has been to have a gas-tax holiday from Memorial Day to Labor Day. Essentially, during the summer the government gets none of what you pay at the pump. If anything this just keeps the gas companies from having to collect taxes on behalf of the IRS and isn’t much of a long-term solution at all.

Others have proposed further taxing the oil companies “obscene” profits. This just exacerbates the high price at the pump because in everything you buy from t-shirts to stereo equipment to mayonnaise has a tax built into the price. Taxes on corporations are just the IRS’s way of outsourcing their collections department.

But what if we did drill our way out if this? Keep in mind I believe we can and we should. The reason for high gas prices is primarily the industrial revolution currently happening in India and China. More industry needs more fuel and outside of smashing atoms, oil provides the best bang-for-your-buck ratio. We know from the first law of Economics that when demand rises, and supply stays stagnant so the price goes up.

Drilling domestically, and all signs point to there being at least as much Oil in North America as there is in the Middle East, would provide a significant boost to the world’s oil supply. This would increase supply at some point to approach the increased demand. Continuing with the economics lesson when supply rises to meet demand the price comes down.

So in response to Barack, Yes, we can drill our way out of it, in fact, the best, easiest solution in the world is to drill our way out of it.

Now what would be the long-term ramifications of this? With oil trading currently at approximate $140 a barrel, based on future speculation of supply and demand the speculation would then shift toward rising supply and thus lower price per barrel. Since we are dealing with long-term speculation and not physical supplies the price for a barrel of crude would likely drop rapidly and significantly.

How significant? Well let’s assume that ANWR provides ten years of US supply. Oil would become more readily available concequently the price per barrel would drop; the profit margin from extracting the oil from the ground would become razor thin.

Oil companies now get $140 per barrel. Let’s assume that their overhead costs, including facilities, transport and labor costs are $50 per barrel. Droping the price per barrel to $80 significantly cuts into the profit margin per barrel. Dropping the price again under $50 creates a loss for the oil company.

And that’s how you cut Oil profits without hurting the consumer!

Friday, June 27, 2008

100 new Chuck Norris facts for 2008

Compiled by Dustin & Andy

  1. When other peoples' razors become dull Chuck Norris uses his beard to sharpen them.
  2. Chuck Norris once made a Wal Mart fight a Target. Not the employees who worked in those stores, he made the Friggin' Buildings fight! Then Jiffy-Pop was served.
  3. When Chuck Norris visits a Target store, he makes a point of standing in the parking lot and whizzing into the huge target logo above the store. Swordfight, anyone?
  4. People don't go missing... Chuck Norris just gets tired of them showing their g-damn faces!
  5. Chuck Norris can dredge a river with his bare hands.
  6. The only reason they are called the Pyramids of Egypt and not, "Chuck Norris' Huge-Ass Pyramids", is out of Chuck's respect for antiquity.
  7. Chuck Norris once lost a hotdog eating contest by half a dog He ate 42.5 hotdogs in 5 minutes the winner ate 43 in five minutes. Frustrated by the loss, over the next 3 minutes, he ate the winner of the contest.
  8. Chuck Norris subconsciously controls the flow of all email.
  9. Has Chuck Norris beat up the Army yet for stealing his slogan, "An Army of One"?
  10. Chuck Norris kills more people by 9 am than most communist dictatorships kill all day!
  11. God offered Chuck Norris a place in the Holy Trinity, but Chuck turned him down because he thought being part of a group like that would cramp his style.
  12. Pi = 3.14 or whatever the hell else Chuck Norris says it is!
  13. Chuck Norris can also calculate pie to the 1 million place in his head.
  14. When Chuck has a bad day, everyone has a bad day, and when chuck has a good day, everyone gets a puppy!
  15. The actual reason for the 10 minute count down between picks in the NFL Draft is that first the team decides what player they want then they submit it in writing to Chuck Norris who then approves or un-approves the pick... Last year Chuck had a bad day and he kept saying no to picks which is why the first round took over 6 hours!
  16. Chuck Norris is actually every team’s Draft choice at every round. Each written draft pick actually says 1: Chuck Norris 2: somebody else’s name. The cards are given to Chuck Norris who then decides weather or not to play football with mere mortals or to continue his deity-like vigil over us.
  17. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?Questioning ANYTHING Chuck Norris does is a good way to get a roundhouse kick to the mouth?
  18. My bank offers Chuck Norris Checking. You can receive a branded debit card with Chuck Norris' photo and signature. It can be used at any merchants, even those who do not accept debit cards. How, you ask? Chuck Norris shows up in a matter of moments and kicks ass. Chuck Norris Checking - the account that kicks your ass!
  19. If Chuck Norris had been the main character in the DaVinci Code, seventeen pages into the book he would have walked into the scene of the crime, took one look around and said "the Albino did it! Now I'm off to eat some crepes, drink some wine and make some French babes beg for some serious American lovin!"
  20. "For those about to rock, Chuck Norris salutes you".
  21. Another name for Roe vs. Wade is: Everyone who supports abortion vs. Chuck Norris's fists. News flash: Chuck's fists win every time.
  22. Chuck Norris can single handedly overturn the Supreme Court. Not just their decisions, he can actually turn all 9 justices upside-down in one motion!
  23. Some people swim the English Channel. Chuck Norris spits across it.
  24. Chuck Norris has been known to go to a deli and order a sandwich just for the toothpick? Why? Because he’s CHUCK F-ING NORRIS!
  25. Chuck Norris can watch 60 Minutes in less than a half hour
  26. the 5 branches of the military are Army, Navy, Air force, Marines and Chuck Norris
  27. Van Halen reunited with David Lee Roth because one day Chuck Norris got “Ain’t Talkin’ Bout Love” stuck in his head.
  28. When Chuck Norris goes to Subway he goes up to the counter and politely orders a Meatball sub. And by Meatball, I mean "the entire store", and by sub, "the block on which the building is situated".
  29. A single drop of Chuck Norris’s blood could power an entire city, and fuel all the cars therein for a year. Good luck on getting Chuck Norris to bleed!
  30. Oprah thinks it’s a big deal to be a guest on Chuck Norris’s show.
  31. The song Proud to Be An American (or, Proud to eat at Hoernemann), really started out like this:
    I am Proud to know Chuck Norris
    Who gives roundhouse kicks for free
    And I won't forget Chuck Norris
    Who kicks ass with glee
    I'll proudly stand up
    Next to Chuck
    He's defending still today
    There ain't know doubt I love that guy
    God bless the Chuck-S-A!
  32. Chuck Norris was taking a walk in the desert one day. He suddenly had the urge to fart. He saved it up for a while before finally letting go. It was so loud and so powerful that it formed the geographic landmark we now call the “Grand Canyon”
  33. Chuck Norris is the only person to win the Nobel War Prize
  34. Chuck Norris created a time machine out of an Atari 2600, electric football game, a roll of duck tape, and a paper clip. He went back in time to before there was life on earth, hocked a loogie into the ocean thus forming the first single-celled organisms on the planet from which all life eventually evolved. Thus let it be known, we are all one in Chuck.
  35. When Chuck Norris wants a tan, he doesn't visit the beach, he goes to the Sun.
  36. Until 1968 there were no craters on the moon. It was that summer that Chuck Norris took batting practice one afternoon launching baseballs into outerspace. Their impact was so hard they left holes all over the moon's surface. This prompted President Kennedy to send Niel Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin to the moon to find out what the hell was going on up there.
  37. God asked Chuck Norris what nationality he wanted to be. When he said American God asked why? To which Chuck Replied, if I were French then single handedly the Nazi's would be defeated when they try to invade France and the world will never know the capacity a dictator has for evil.
  38. Roger Maris hit 61 homers in one season, but Chuck Norris hit 62 in one game during a 1983 spring training game in a guest appearance for the Texas Rangers. Ironically, he was only scheduled to sing the National Anthem.
  39. Chuck Norris is the 0th Beatle
  40. People went crazy to see the Beatles. The Beatles went crazy to see Chuck Norris.
  41. Chuck Norris is flat out better than Mike Ditka. Ditka tried to attack Chuck once, but hurt his fist on Chuck's beard. Chuck laughed for 2 days. Those were good times, he thought.
  42. Warning: Never play paper football with Chuck Norris. The force with which he kicks the paper field goal is roughly equilivant to the force of a bullett being fired from a Smith & Wesson 22mm semi-automatic pistol. You don't want to take one of those in the chest!
  43. After Chuck Norris threw the garter belt at his wedding, he completely took out all the males who were attempting to catch it with a flurry of punches and kicks, and caught it himself without it hitting the floor.
  44. Chuck Norris had strippers at his wedding!
  45. The US government has never actually tested nuclear bombs on the Bikini Island's in the South Pacific. That's just the cover story used when Chuck Norris starts making Mild Chili. God save us if he ever tries hot!
  46. Chuck Norris doesn't use a toothpick, he uses an oak tree.
  47. Chuck Norris eats nails... and shits staples!
  48. Chuck Norris found the Holy Grail once. He sold it at his garage sale for $5 and the buyer was ecstatic. Chuck then went to his house, kicked his ass, and took it.
  49. Chuck Norris has never taken a dump… he leaves them.
  50. Chuck Norris once challenged all the pitchers in the National League voted into the 1996 all-star game to a game of dodge ball. After 3 minutes and 19 seconds the best throwing athletes in the world were all out and only Mr. Norris remained. He then asked the American League pitchers to a game, they forfeited after they realized he only threw the ball 4 times.
  51. Chuck Norris once rendered an entire Folger's coffee plant useless through a series of destructive roundhouse kicks for processing "French roast" coffee, saying, "Coffee shouldn't be for pansies."
  52. There are no one-hit-wonders. Just bands that Chuck Norris got tired of really fast then beat them up and broke all their instruments before they could record a second song!
  53. Chuck Norris laughed at a frat party when someone bonged a beer through a funnel and hose. He asked everyone to follow him out back. He proceeded to bong beer from a cement truck.
  54. Chuck Norris can shape a diamond with his teeth.
  55. Chuck Norris can turn an asphalt parking lot into pudding.
  56. Chuck Norris Facts don’t have to make sense… because they’re about CHUCK NORRIS!
  57. Chuck Norris's middle finger has the power to bring about 6 of the 7 plagues from Exodus. You don't want to know what he does to bring about the 7th!
  58. Chuck Norris can turn diamonds into coal
  59. In 2004 Chuck Norris got new swimming trunks for Christmas. The next day he tried them out by to ing to the Beach in LA. He did a cannonball off a dive platform resulting wave traveled around the world eventually causing the the Thailand Tsunami.
  60. Chuck Norris is the nexus of the universe. No mater where he goes the universe travels around him
  61. Chuck Norris is a one-man reality show
  62. Lynda Hogan left Hulk to be with Chuck Norris
  63. Chuck Norris will be the next face on mount Rushmore
  64. Chuck Norris doesn't ask women for phone numbers. He just decides which ones he wants.
  65. In the 2008 election, Chuck Norris's vote is the only one that will truly count. The rest of the election is done to keep the rest of the country from rioting, because Chuck just doesn’t' want to put up with kicking that many people's butts.
  66. The birth of Chuck Norris was mistaken for the second coming of Jesus. It has since been renamed the First Coming of Chuck Norris
  67. Chuck Norris is the true father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby
  68. Chuck Norris can land one on the green of a par 5 from the Tee.
  69. The only reason Chuck Norris's face isn't on Mt. Rushmore is because Chuck Norris IS Mt. Rushmore.
  70. Chuck Norris does not take days off from work. Work takes days off from Chuck Norris
  71. Chuck Norris can grill a perfect steak by just staring at in saying the word "cook!"
  72. Convection ovens are just appliances that have harnessed the power from Chuck's eyes.
  73. After Chuck Norris grills, he turns the charcoal into diamonds and sells them.
  74. Chuck Norris has never eaten, been in contact with or acknowledged the existence of vegetables.
  75. Chuck Norris can power wash a deck by spitting on it.
  76. I can be round-house kicked by Chuck Norris, therefore I am!
  77. Chuck Norris can slay a man through email. Therefore, tread lightly in cyberspace.
  78. Chuck Norris could have beaten Apollo Creed in 1 movie.
  79. Chuck Norris could get to Mars in a '78 Gremlin.
  80. Chuck Norris is the fastest living thing on a pair of ice skates. In fact, he often has trouble going so fast he burns through the ice.
  81. NASA sent the Phoenix Lander to see if there was life on Mars. Had they sent Chuck Norris they would have only confirmed that there was death on mars.
  82. Chuck Norris is handicap accessible. Meaning even if you're handicapped, he can access you for an ass kicking!
  83. Recent discoveries show that the Israelites didn't build an idol of a golden calf in the desert, but an idol of a golden Chuck Norris. They were way more ahead of their time than anyone realized!
  84. Chuck Norris doesn't use AAA. AAA asks Chuck Norris for directions.
  85. Chuck Norris is HD ready
  86. Chuck Norris once beat the crap out of the band UB40. Hey, he didn't want to hear any quasi-reggae pop music that day, o.k.?
  87. Chuck Norris makes Jean-Claude Van Damme look like Stephan Segal
  88. Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter
  89. All 3 presidential candidates could stop talking about socialized healthcare if Chuck Norris would just stop hitting people.
  90. Chuck Norris can shred a 10 pound cheese wheel by pushing it through a window screen with one hand.
  91. A Chucktatershp is the best form of government we could possibly hope for. This is as opposed to a Chuck Tater-Chip which is a Chuck Norris endorsed snack food by Frito-Lay.
  92. Chuck Norris eats chip dip out of volcanoes.
  93. God once challenged Chuck Norris to an arm wrestling match. To this day theologians debate weather Chuck Norris was defeated legitimately or lost because he had respect for the Almighty, or because winning would mean he just would have to be associated with the likes of Jerry Fawell and Jeremiah Wright.
  94. You can gauge Chuck Norris' mood by the sheen of his beard, or if he explodes with a series of roundhouse kicks and punches.
  95. The fastest microprocessor in the world can perform 4 billion calculations a second, but still can’t roundhouse kick worth a crap. Chuck Norris can only perform 2 billion calculations per second but can roundhouse kick in any direction. Now which one do you want with you in a dark alley?
  96. Given the Browns legacy in the Superbowl Era, it's obvious that Chuck Norris probably isn't a fan.
  97. The atomic weight of Chuck Norris is "a round house kick to the jaw"
  98. On occasion Bill Gates has asked Chuck Norris for a loan.
  99. Chuck Norris has already figured out Lost!
  100. We just have to draw the line somewhere with Chuck Norris, and it's wherever he tells us to draw it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

is it really blogging if...

So I've been on vacation for a week. I had access to a computer and internet, but was wholly unmotivated to try this.

That doesn't mean I wasn't putting thoughts on paper... Mostly letters to my sweetie (Hi Krystle!!!!).

Vacation was fun, though with 4 children in the house fun really shouldn't start before 9 am... especially if fun involved margarita night!

I did leave a note in the guest book that sums up our vacation as well as anything else:

Five of us met in college over ten years ago: John, Jamie, Dustin, Seth and me: Andy. Dustin married Amy and John married Jamie. Respectively they brought us Derek and Rose; and Sarah and Elliot. That makes ten of us under one roof.

We walked to the beach each day, swam in the pool and played in the sun. We made good use of the grill and sat at one table each night for dinner.

After the kids were asleep we either made good use of the bar, watched movies, made laughs in the hot tub, and squabbled over board games.

Sometimes we did things on our own: Parasailing, shopping, visiting the Wright Brothers. Still it was this house that we returned to.

We came here as friends, but tomorrow we leave a family

Much Love,


Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Energy Question of the Week

If nuclear power is so volatile and dangerous; why is it that none of the Darth Vader wannabee dictators of ass backward countries like Iran, North Korea and China have had a nuclear accident from building their own power plant/weapons refinery that has blown themselves to kingdom come?

Could it be that Jane Fonda was blowing smoke up our collective asses with the China Syndrome and nuclear power is overall much safer than she and Homer Simpson would have us believe?

There have been seventeen “Major” nuclear power accidents in the past fifty-six years. While that is one every three years, we are talking about one every three years or so this is a world-wide list. Sure the ominous fear of the nuclear bogyman is in the back of everyone’s mind but let’s come up with a list of things more dangerous than nuclear power:
  • Operating farm machinery: 350 deaths per year
  • Having Surgery: 500 deaths per year
  • Gasses emitted from everyday appliances: 700 deaths per year
  • Getting shot: 1,500 deaths per year
  • Eating (and chocking on food): 33,00 deaths per year
  • Being in a burning building: 37,000 deaths per year
  • Drowning: 4,000 deaths per year
  • Poisonings/allergic reactions: 8,600 deaths per year
  • Falling down (altitude dependent): 14,900 deaths per year
  • Driving (and crashing into something): 43,200 deaths per year

So there’s 10 ways you’re more likely to die than from having a nuclear power plant nearby.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Race For The Cure: I Haven’t Seen So Many Guys Wear Pink Since The 80’s

So I ran the Race for the Cure on Saturday. Among other things it was a sobering reminder of how much I used to be in shape. Back in college the slowest guy on the team was nicknamed “Chuck” and if he beat you, you got “Chucked”. The slowest guy in the conference went to another school and though we didn’t know his name getting beat by him would have been exponentially more embarrassing.

Given my time on Saturday, that would have happened to me.

Personal Note:
Add Bruce Springsteen’s “Glory Days” to my iPod.
I was supposed to run with my girlfriend (Hi, Sweetie!) but she got a job playing toilet paper Wheel of Fortune at the Quilted Northern booth. So I ran solo.

I started out in the 7 minute pace group and actually hit that pace dead on for the first mile, as designated by a water station. I felt good, I was talking to other people in the pack… but I had no idea where the second mile was. Someone shouted out “Mile 2” at one point but there was nothing designating it as such. I checked my watch and I was a minute slower for the second mile. Still I had no idea where I was going and by the time I got to the second water station I wasn’t sure if this was the REAL second mile.

Having no idea how much further to go I was completely off my pace. Until I passed the Nationwide building on High Street. There were about 100 Harley-Davidson motorcycles all running with their drivers revving their engines as the runners went by.

Is there anything more Genuinely American than that thunderously loud, all-American gas burning, steak grilling flag-waving Harley engine roar? I don’t think I’ve ever been so pumped up at that point of a race in my life. I started running faster.

Then again it may have been I just wanted to not breathe in so many exhaust fumes.

Of course once I was out of earshot of the thunderous rumble I fell off my pace once more because I had no idea how far away the finish line was.

I ended the race nowhere near my 20-22 minute goal which means I should try running more often than say once every two weeks.

After the race I had fun getting all the freebies. I stopped at the Quilted Northern booth first to spin the prize wheel that Krystle was operating. I won the cheesiest prize and was promptly told to “go get me free samples”.

The nice thing was that Value City and The James Cancer Hospital were giving out little tote bags so that made grabbing Tava water and Caribu Coffee samples much easier. Once I had filled both bags with freebies I came back to the Quilted Northern booth and spun the wheel again. This time I won a 6 pack of toilet paper… er, um I mean bathroom tissue. I was quickly told “Bring that over I’m out!” by my girlfriend/both operator.

It was a good time, great weather and over 40,000 people turned out for the event. However, a comedian whom I cannot accurately site right now said it best when he said “I wish they would cure cancer already so we didn’t have to run so many 5k’s!”

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

I Was Right!

I was right!

Well I was… and I can prove it. You see proving your right on matters of opinion is done in one of two ways:
A prediction that comes true
Someone wiser than you coming to the same conclusion

The latter happened this week when it was confirmed by a consensus of two (the same size as Al Gore’s consensus but much better thought out) that oil prices are a result of supply and demand. I noted this on Monday with my blog “So Oil Prices are High, Here’s How It Should Work” and the next day Dr. Thomas Sowell, PhD in his column “Too Complex? Part III”. Furthermore today Walter E. Williams Professor of Economics at George Mason University properly places the blame for the lack of supply on out ever meddling government!

Does this mean I’m smart enough to have a PhD? Well, I’ll let you draw your own conclusion!

Monday, May 12, 2008

So Oil Prices are High, Here’s How It Should Work

Oil Prices have been on a steady incline specifically since Hurricane Katrina gave us our first dose of $3.00 + gasoline. That was a capacity issue, which eventually was resolved. There are a number of factors involved in how we got to the price of $126 per barrel including:
  • Industrialization of China and India
  • Political strains with Venezuela
  • Speculative buying of oil futures
Now some commentators, more ideological than myself, will claim that the price really shot up after the Democrats took control of the House and Senate in 2007. While a great way of shifting blame, the most immediate wag of the finger is not necessarily the correct one.

The way economics works, as I have learned at the dinner table every day growing up by my father the Economist, as well as 5 semesters at a private Liberal Arts school in Northwest Ohio, is there are two basic factors: Supply and Demand. As supply goes up or down, demand goes the opposite. Ergo if supply is high, there is little demand. If supply is low, there his high demand. These two factors meet at a point called equilibrium.

Right now the oil demand is high, this is represented by the price of $126 per barrel. This is the equilibrium point as the supply and demand have come together at a price that benefits both the supplier and demander.

Now oil has been around for a while. It wasn’t that long ago that oil was only $10 per barrel. So if it is possible to drill for and extract oil for $10 per barrel, it must be extremely profitable to do this at $126 per barrel. Exxon-Mobile shareholders know this is true.

Under normal circumstances the oil companies would then take their profits, knowing that it is still financially worth their while to drill more wells to get more of this $126 per barrel oil on the market. When prices are high for a particular product, it behooves you to sell as much of it as you can.

The consequence of this is when you increase supply, the demand suddenly goes down and all of a sudden your $126 per barrel oil may only be worth $80 or $90. It may seem silly for a company to do this, but by not doing it they run a risk of pricing themselves out of business. Then we would have no oil at all.

Some argue that the supply side of the equation had dwindled to the point that we must seek alternatives. They are half right. The blame for the lack of supply falls on our government. Passed by multiple congresses, and signed by Presidents Clinton and Bush 41 there is a moratorium on US off-shore drilling.

A recent report states that there is enough domestic Oil to run 60 million cars for 60 years. I’m sure Exxon-Mobile, Chevron and Valvoline would love to help provide us with more than enough oil. The free market demands they do it.

However while the invisible hand guides the free market the invisible foot of government trips it up!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

The Adventures of Andy and the Cable Guys

It was a beautiful thing when I first heard about it… 200 channels of IP based television over a fiber line coming right into my home with a 4 channel DVR and high speed internet… Excuse me while I go change my underwear.

Well, Monday was the day that it was to be installed. I was so happy! The greatest TV/Internet experience possible for only $89 a month, including NFL Network! God Bless you AT&T!

As the installers arrived I let them in and showed them around. Told them where I wanted everything installed.

They started looking at things, unscrewing a few phone outlets (of which I have surprisingly few in my condo) and otherwise trying to plot out the game plan.

Eventually they ask to see the attic, and look at a few other options. They called in another guy, who also went to look at the attic, the outside and all 3 of my phone outlets.

Eventually, three hours after they started, I asked how things were coming. Apparently they had given up.

My condo is not wired conductively for this type of fiber/cable wiring. I’ve had some custom work done that was purely for cable, but there is virtually no parallel between the phone and cable lines.

For some reason this made me want to spite Time Warner. And we all know what happened the last time I wanted to spite a company. Maybe it’s just that I really want the NFL network, maybe purely digital TV is going to make the eventual upgrade to HD more worthwhile… But mostly I wanted it because I can see the hook-up box outside my window! I’m so close the fiber internet will be screaming fast!

At this point it was not worth it for me to go back to work for the day (Oh, yeah, I got a job… I probably should have mentioned that). So I called my girlfriend (Something else I’ve been meaning to mention… her name is Krystle, she’s awesome!) who is very fiscally sound. She convinced me that I shouldn’t go out and call and electrician to completely re-do everything at my expense just to get NFL Network.

Well I did email a friend of mine who is an electrician. He’s done some work for me in the past and we’ve sort of traded wiring for website updates and/or a bottle of Jose Cuervo. He said he’d be able to give me an estimate. At least now I think I know what I need.

I think the biggest benefit to that 4 channel DVR is not having to choose between “Heroes” and “24” on Monday nights. At least with the writers strike I didn’t have to worry about that this year… but I may need to figure something out by next season!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Minor site update...

Check out the right-hand column. You'll find a permanint link to my movie reviews at via

It's complicated, but just do the point-and-click thingie and enjoy!

Saturday, March 08, 2008

The Blizzard of ’08: Where’s Global Warming When You Need It?

Al Gore is full of sh*t!

There, I said it. I’m on record as saying it and I’ll say it again. Not immediately, but when the time is right.

I just spent over ninety minutes shoveling up to three feet deep of snow in places, just so I could get to church on time Sunday. Church as since been canceled and since I am currently working from home I really don’t have anywhere to be, but now I have the option of driving there.

This heavy snow is the end result of what is being called the blizzard of 08

Mostly an upper Midwest event, but even NASCAR in Atlanta had to be delayed due to snow.

Okay that’s just a few instances of cold weather, but if replacing light bulbs with those cork-screw dealies, and driving Priuses is the only way to keep the icecaps from melting, the oceans from engulfing our costal cities and to stop movies like “The Day After Tomorrow” from being produced.

Now either these environmental wackos are extremely effective and they have overshot their cause or this new trend of global cooling has solved everything or the whole premise of human activity widely affecting the global climate is totally ludicrous!

I vote for the latter.

Recently it has been confirmed by scientists monitoring the global temperature of the Earth that the past century of warming has been negated by the last twelve months of cooling. Also keep in mind we’re dealing with fractions of degrees here.

Al Gore and his crew will contend that industrialization of the western world has produced an excess of carbon pollution. This carbon pollution is a greenhouse gas that is causing the Earth’s temperature to ruse.

In a rebuttal to his movie “An Inconvenient Truth” the BBC has produced a documentary entitled “The Great Global Warming Swindle”. This documentary is more about science than advocacy and calls out the political motivation of Al Gore, Greenpeace and the rest of the environmental movement.

To repudiate Mr. Gore the researchers contributing to this BBC Production claim that while there is a coloration between carbon in the atmosphere and temperature change, environmentalists have the relationship backwards. Independently studied ice core samples, when compared with temperature records show that it is the temperature increase that comes first, before the carbon is released into the atmosphere.

This makes more sense than the supposed “Greenhouse Effect.” Think about it, what is the hottest thing in our solar system? Yes, the Sun (we would have also accepted Jessica Alba in a bikini as an answer)! The Sun is known to have a variance in it’s solar output, usually measured in the formation of something called sunspots. Astronomers have studied these for years, and the coloration between sunspots and temperature is amazingly accurate.

So where does the carbon come from? If you also look at commercial activity before during and after the “Little Ice Age” – a period of global cooling between 1600 and 1900 – shows that much more wealth was created in the warmer periods before and after, not during the cold snap. Progress and prosperity happen during warm times. Simply put: Life likes to be warm. Case in point, there are more species of life in the tropics than you find near the poles.
What happens is that when the earth warms, life prospers. Carbon being a byproduct of life (I’m currently creating carbon at the moment by exhaling) increases because there is more life on the planet during global warming.

There has been a lack of sun spot activity this year, and all of a sudden it’s cold! How cold? Well, here are some photos of the Blizzard of ’08. Enjoy!

Friday night after much of the first wave had finished

Saturday morning

My poor Flamingo!

And it just keeps coming!

I think we're going to have to cancel the BBQ!

Before Shoveling...

... and after! (my back is sore now)
That wall is a good three feet high!
Ironic, I have to dig out my shovel.

I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.
The children of the neighborhood built a cool snow fort with ice caves.
Had I actually had my feet touching the ground the snow would easially be up to my knees!

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

you'd think...

You'd think that with all this free time I supposedly have I'd be blogging more...

you'd think that wouldn't you?