Would Have Made a Great Series Finale...

I hold few things as sacred as a series finale.   While MASH claims to have the best ever (way too long but redeemed in the final 2 minutes) few series finales have lived up to the entire run of the series.

How this show USED to look!

Which brings me to last night's ninth-season-premier of "Two and a half Men".    The show starts with a funeral for Charlie. His trademark bowling shirt and khaki shorts (also my trademark) are hanging next to the closed coffin.  Most of his on-camera girlfriends are present, all saying horrible things about him. Alan (John Cryer) is giving the eulogy explaining how Charlie died in Paris.   Next Rose (Melanie Lynskey) explains how Charlie proposed to him, then she caught him with another woman, to which all the women in the audience sympathized.  Then she explains how he "accidentally" slipped onto the rail in front of an oncoming train.

This is exactly why 28 million people tuned in last night, despite an NFL game on ESPN (my cable isn't working so I didn't have that option).

So, we've resolved how Charlie Sheen is no longer on the show.  Do we care about anyone else in the house?  Not really, I was willing to leave it at that.  Charlie leaves the house to Alan and Jake, life goes on and if my cable was functioning I could have tuned away and not cared.

But My cable is not working so I continued watching.

The new man!

Alan can't afford the upkeep on the house and goofy internet billionaire Waldon Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher) enters, and after some mildly amusing antics buys the house.

Okay, now things are resolved.

Except for some reason we were left "to be continued..." though, if Schmidt is going to buy the house and he seems popular with the ladies (though I didn't need him to be so naked the whole episode) we now see that the house will continue to be a revolving door for good-looking loose women.

Life goes on and I wish I could tune to ESPN!

So this would have made a nice series finale. Charlie dies, Alan gets on his feet and Jake says something stupid (though that shtick hasn't been funny since he was a cute chubby kid).

Much like a bad car wreck causes people to rubberneck on the freeway, the real-life Charlie Sheen caused a media rubberneck as his life turned into a forty-car-pileup last spring.  People wanted to see the end result of how things fallout.

This episode is how the show should have ended, and if my cable gets fixed by next week, it will have ended here for me!

But how would it have stood up as a series finale?   Well, first off, there was the absolute lack of the star character.  So the finale seems a bit forced.  But at least all the loose ends would be tied up. And that's usually what an audience is looking for.   If they had sent Charlie off to get married or join the Peace Corps or beamed up to Mars by aliens, that would have left questions.  But he's Dead and I think most members of the audience are cool with that. More-so, I think at least half the audience tuned in for the closure on this show that seems to be persistent on every channel at all times. I expect at least a 50% falloff in the ratings for the next episode.  So instead of a single episode series finale, you get a whole season.  At least I have my closure.

RIP Charlie Harper, RIP Two and a half Men!

Going Down in a Landslide

Somewhat inspired by my previous post from today, here is President Obama singing how he will loose in a "Landslide" next November.   To the tune of the Fleetwood Mac Song of the same name!

The Tea Party wants to take me down

I won Election and turned around

And the media echoed all my talking points

But a landslide’s how I’ll go down

All my polls don’t look good.

Where are the jobs?

Can this man-child in Washington rise above?

Can I win reelection on hope and change?

Or will there be a new conservative age?

Mmmmm Mmmmm….

Well I’ve been promising changing

Cause I forced you to buy healthcare

But Jobs didn’t come back

No one likes Barack

I need a new Wall Street scare

(Guitar Solo)

Well I’ve been promising changing

Cause I forced you to buy healthcare

But Jobs didn’t come back

No one likes Barack

I need a new Wall Street scare

I need a new Wall Street scare

So take my message into town

We’re going to take the Tea Party down

If you look at what I’ve done to across this great land

Well, in a Landslide is how I’m going down, down

And if you see my poll numbers on MSNBC

Well a landslide is how I’ll go down

Oh in a landslide is how I’ll go down

With Apologies to Stevie Nicks

When you think about it, the cool thing about Fleetwood Mac is that they had a girl named Stevie and a guy named Lindsey ! 

I Saw Obama's Reflection in Snow Covered Hills...

Ever watch video of an avalanche? 

It starts at the top with just a few small pieces of snow and then all of a sudden half the mountain comes down. 

Last night, for the first time in 80 years the Republicans took a congressional seat in Lower Manhattan. 

If the GOP is making inroads in the most liberal part of the most liberal city in the second most liberal state then Obama has next-to-no chance in the heartland next November. 

The landslide is coming, hope Obama brought his skies! 

More on this later...

Holy Crap, a new blog post!

Okay,  I’m kind of tired of looking at the picture of the monkey in a Santa hat from my previous blog post showing up every day in the RSS feed on my home page, I think it’s time to blog about something. 

Now, I know none of you watched the Obama hosted pre-game show last night, and neither did I (you'd know this if you followed me on Twitter).  But I did listen to it via the Mark Levin Podcast today.  So as a service to you, so you won't have to listen to it, here is my analysis of Obama's speech: 

1.  Offering a tax cut to businesses who hire or give raises to employees: 

While I’ve never met a tax cut I didn't like, unless sales are up and the business is expanding there is no reason to hire more people.  Raises work as a means of retaining good employees.   This is proposal based on flawed logic.  Obama doesn't realize that a business is in business to make money. It does not exist to play games with the tax code, but to maximize profit.  Hiring only occurs when it helps the goal of profit.   

2.  Rebuilding infrastructure 

Isn’t that was TARP was for? What about the last stimulus?  Shouldn't we have repaved every road, rebuilt every bridge, and rebuilt every public building by now?  The money designated for these projects never ends up helping the economy because at every level the unions take a cut and the work never gets done because it's being performed by aforementioned unions. 

3. Repairing and rebuilding schools

This could have been lumped in with #2, but I decided to separate it because it was a specific point in Obama's speech. The President makes the claim that teachers can't teach, and children can't learn as well in dilapidated buildings?  This has nothing to do with jobs!   Jobs come when the economy starts expanding again and that rarely if ever happens in a classroom.  The classic complaint that teachers are underpaid is refuted by the fact that most people are paid according to what they directly produce.  Teachers, while providing a necessary service, are not the producers in the is economy.  In a classroom there is no combining of raw materials to create something of greater value than it's component parts.   Investing in rebuilding classrooms does not expand the economy. 

Obama spoke on more than this but this is roughly when I stopped paying attention, and being slightly hungover today this is all I’m willing to really write about at this time. 

So I’ve complained but didn’t offer a solution.  You’re probably saying, “If you’re so smart how would you fix things?”   Okay, give me a minute.

I think I would use the Jerry Seinfield approach.  The comedian once said about department store clerks who ask “may I help you?” that they are either trying to help him or trying to sell him something.

Government works much the same way.  Any time the government tries to “help” the situation only ever gets worse.  Don’t try to help the economy.  Go back to your designated tasks of building a few roads, delivering mail and keeping the king of England on his side of the Atlantic.  Those of us who actually live and work in the economy will take care of that ourselves! 

My unfortunate announcement

Dear family and friends,

It is with sadness I must announce that Krystle and I are no longer together.

We have come to the decision to separate, with a dissolution being finalized this Friday.

I will forever cherish the time that I was fortunate to have spent with her. She would like to express the same sentiment toward me as well.

We only wish the best for each other in all things going forward.

Sincerely,

Andy Zoric

P.S. if this message has upset you, here are some pictures of animals wearing hats to make you feel better.

How do you solve a problem like Qaddafi?

Our fearless leader has a problem. He now has to mobilize the military against his good friend Moammar Kaddafi. Don't call it a war, call it a kenetic something-or-other... Kind of makes it sound like an X-Box accessory.

Regardless, we are now left with the question How do you solve a problem like Gaddafi?

With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein

How do you solve a problem like Gaddafi?

How do you get a dictator to step down?
How do you find a word that means Gadaffi?
Brutal, megalomaniacal, genocidal, a terrorist, a bully!

Many a Libyan would like to expel him
They’ll send him out to a foreign land
But how do you make him go?
The UN or NATO?
But not without a US no-fly errand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Qaddafi?
How do they get him off their sand?

He’s the top man in Tripoli
Spells his name with a G (or a K or a Q)
A terrorist with fashion sense
He’s a dictator and magistrater
He’s a brute, he’s a thug, he’s a real baddie.

He’s shot down our jets
Been a general mid-east pest.
He was a colonel when he took over and hasn’t had a promotion since!
He’s a bad boy and hence,
Al Qaeda start riots
In protest.

How do you solve a problem like Gaddafi?
How do you get a dictator to step down?
How do you find a word that means Gadaffi?
Brutal, megalomaniacal, genocidal, a terrorist, a bully!

Many a Libyan would like to expel him
They’ll send him out to a foreign land
But how do you make him go?
The UN or NATO?
But not without a US no-fly errand

Oh, how do you solve a problem like Qaddafi?
How do they get him off their sand?

And if you want to dispute my rhyme scheme and cadence (I really don't even know what that is), here's a link to the song from the movie.

enjoy!

A Not so Elementary Watson

Or I’ll take 3 pounds of grey goo for $1000, Alex

This week International Business Machine (or IBM for short) faired its Watson supercomputer in a Jeopardy! match against former Jeopardy! grand champions Ken Jennings and Brad Rutter. In short the computer won.

Watson is a supercomputer. Represented at his Jeopardy podium by an avatar on a flat-screen and a voice eerily reminiscent of HAL 9000, the real Watson was in a server room next door. Consisting of several racks of dozens of IBM servers each. The total area of Watson takes up about as much room as four standard sized book cases. But to make Watson work he is housed in a special climate-controlled server room that feels something like a meat locker if you were to walk in there. All in all Watson would fill up the area of a very nice sized living room.

According to IBM’s Watson website:

Operating on a single CPU, it could take Watson two hours to answer a single question. A typical Jeopardy! contestant can accomplish this feat in less than three seconds. For Watson to rival the speed of its human competitors in delivering a single, precise answer to a question requires custom algorithms, terabytes of storage and thousands of POWER7 computing cores working in a massively parallel system

That’s a lot of effort just to be able to compete with three pounds of grey goo that comes as standard equipment on every human. And your brain is a lot more portable than Watson.

As Jennings said in his final Jeopardy response: “I for one welcome our new computer overlords” (borrowing a line from “The Simpsons”). But are the computers taking over? Has Watson had an original idea yet? The answer is likely “no”. While Watson can filter an incomprehensible amount of data in to a few probable answers in just a few seconds, but Watson has no creativity. Like a desktop calculator, your iPhone or Amazon.com's "recommended for you" Watson knows only what he is told, and cannot formulate his own thoughts. That is where humans still hold the advantage.

That being said, had Jennings bet enough to best Watson in final Jeopardy would Watson eventually send a cyborg back in time to kill Jennings’ mother?

Riot like an Egyptian!

This morning I heard "Walk like an Egyptian" on the radio on my way to work today. On top of that, last night I watched the HBO documentary on Reagan. I guess stuff from or about the 80's just makes me feel good. So with all apologies to the Bangals I present to you my latest song parody:

Riot like an Egyptian

In the old Cairo town square
People are gathering, you know
It's a protest (Oh whey Oh)
They say Mubarak's got to go

From the Pyramids to the Nile
They're fed up with the prez'
Democracy? (We don't know?)
30 years and nothing's changed.

Protesters light the fires and say
'Ay Oh Whey Oh, Ay whey oh'
Riot like an Egyptian!

Protesters got their signs
Written in perfect English
You scratch your head (Oh whey Oh)
Who is really behind all this?

All the prices are going up
Why all this inflation?
It’s a perfect in (Oh whey Oh)
For the Muslim Brotherhood

Everyone in Mumbark’s regime stays Away
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Riot like an Egyption

Turn on your phone And try to Tweet
There’s no internet, try Facebook
Mubarak turned it off (oh whey oh)
Telecoms brought it back

Rioters outnumber all the cops
Been replaced by the Army
Protesters go on (oh whey oh)
Bomb the embassy down the block.

All the media with their scripts
Can’t seem to get a handle on this
It’s not like Iran? (oh whey oh)
Sharia is going Egyptian

All the Muslim chicks in their covered dress say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Riot like an Egyptian
Riot like an Egyptian

Persepolis does not need a sequel!

First off, this is not a movie review, though I do plan on mentioning a few movies in the paragraphs to come. This is a commentary on the Egyptian revolt currently happening half a world away, yet somehow it all seems familiar?

It seems familiar because I’ve seen the movie “Persepolis (2007)”. It is an animated film, based on the true story of a young girl who is just outspoken enough during the Islamic revolution in Iran that her family sends her to France for her own safety. She eventually returns only to find she does not fit in where her now fundamentalist Muslim countrymen.

While I usually reserve the phrase “unnecessary sequel” for movies with words like “Harold and Kumar” in the title, the lack of need for this sequel is more pressing as it pertains to the world stage.

In Persepolis the Shah, the western supported leader of Iran, is overthrown by popular opinion of the Iranian people. However what ensues is the rise of what we now know to be a theocracy of fundamentalist Islam. You may not think that as recently as 1979 that Iran was a progressive city with vibrant culture and tourist destination, but guess what. It was!

Young Marji, through whose eyes the story is told, is excited to learn that the communists were gaining a foothold to take power from the Shah. However, the communists, never acting out of the interest of the population in general, see their best chance at consolidating power by using the predominant religion of the region.

There may be a young Marji in Egypt right now. Much like the Shah’s regime was supported by the west, so is Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak. Much like Iran was a tourist destination where westerners found generally the same freedom they find at home, so was Egypt. In fact I just saw Facebook photos of a friend of mine at the great pyramids just before the rioting started.

The question is, what type of sequel will history write to this story? Keep in mind not all sequels are bad. For instance Rocky II was a much more moving story than the first Rocky movie. But what my biggest fear is for Egypt is that we will get Teen Wolf Too.

Following the success of the Michael J. Fox film Teen Wolf somebody had the bright idea to do another. With either Fox’s skyrocketing success, or his good sense not to be in the second film, we get a half-assed rewrite of the original script with new star Jason Bateman. Essentially Teen Wolf Too is just the same basic plot, with many of the same characters in place and only the location and central character change. It can only be described as a completely unnecessary sequel.

Egypt does not need to be Iran Part Two. Meaning the exact same thing that happened to Iran does not need to happen again only five hundred miles Southwest. The people of Egypt, who will likely not rest until there is regime change, must be prudent in their next steps. Even the people of Iran asked for Regime change in 2009. The government was much more swift to put down that protest and there was no change. However, Mubarak’s administration did shut down the internet as did Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Unless Egypt gets a true democracy, expect more of this oppressive activity, and for it to only get worse.

What will expatriate Egyptians say about their homeland ten years from now? Will they be like Marji and, with a heavy heart, eventually return to post revolution home? Or will there be peace and prosperity in Egypt for years to come?

In the news:

The Adventures of Andy Presents:

IN THE NEWS!

It’s been a while but I can’t help myself today so here are today’s headlines!

REPORT: JOHN EDWARDS ENGAGED...

Former presidential candidate John Edwards is engaged to longtime mistress Rielle Hunter, according to a report.

The Jan. 17 issue of the National Enquirers says that the ex-North Carolina senator asked the mother of his lovechild to marry him only three weeks after burying his wife, Elizabeth, who died from cancer. The couple is said to be tying the knot some time this summer.

Editorial comment:
I’m sure he can’t wait to knock up someone else on the side!

Katie Couric: Muslim Cosby Show Needed To Fight Anti-Muslim Bigotry

Katie Couric has said that she thought of a way to end some of the hatred and bigotry in America – aMuslim equivalent to the “Cosby Show”

Editorial Comment:
Yes, I agree, The Cosby Show did wonders for the image of Blacks in America after the Blacks declared Jihad and destroyed skyscrapers in New York.

Viking Found 'Organics' on Mars...

More than 30 years after NASA's Viking landers found no evidence for organic materials on Mars, scientists say a new experiment on Mars-like soil shows Viking did, in fact, hit pay dirt.

The new study was prompted by the August 2008 discovery of powerful oxygen-busting compounds known as perchlorates at the landing site of another Mars probe called Phoenix.

Editorial comment:
I’m sorry, I thought this was going to be a story about Brett Favre.

Court ruling opens the door to more nudity on TV...

Call it full moon rising -- soon, there could be bare butts all over the boob tube.

The US Second Circuit Court of Appeals has vacated the $1.21 million worth of fines that the FCC levied against ABC after alleging that the network violated broadcast indecency standards for daring to show actress Charlotte Ross' naked behind during a 2003 episode of "NYPD Blue."

When overthrowing the fine, the court cited the FCC's own declaration that "nudity itself is not per se indecent." It also reiterated that the FCC's context-based indecency test is "unconstitutionally vague," as previously determined by the court when the FCC demanded fines from Fox when profanities were aired during the 2006 Billboard Music Awards.

Editorial Comment:
FINALLY!

Additional Comment by Marge Simpson:
” Fox turned into a hardcore sex channel so gradually, I didn't even notice.”

From the episode “Lisa’s Wedding” aired March 19, 1995

China plans $1.3 billion 'seven-star hotel'...
Beijing authorities plan to build a "seven-star hotel" modelled after Dubai's Burj Khalifa -- the world's tallest building -- in a $1.3 billion joint project with Saudi Arabia.

The hotel will be erected in western Beijing's Mentougou district some 30 kilometres (18 miles) from the Chinese capital's centre, the state-run BeijingMorning Post said in a Thursday report, quoting a local parliamentary meeting.

Editorial comment:
Priceline's new commercial will probably sound something like “Seven-star hotels at five-star prices!”

That's the news... I hope it was as good for you as it was for me!

Ted Williams: Private Sector Success

It may only have been the fifth day of 2011 year but feel good story of the year may have just happened in my own back yard.

The man with the golden voice: Ted Williams, a panhandler in Columbus, Ohio who literally overnight went from homeless to having a dream career doing voice over work with the Cleveland Cavilers, the NFL and other media outlets.

Look at the timeline here. First a private citizen records a video, an audition video if you will, and posts it to YouTube (owned by Google Inc. NASTAQ: GOOG).

The Columbus Dispatch (privately owned) posted the video to their website generating media buzz.

The Cleveland Cavilers (privately owned sports franchise) courts Williams with the website www.wewanttedwilliams.com.

While most media types will focus on the inspirational factors of his story, such as his overcoming addiction; his spiritual awakening and surviving homlessness; the real story here is that Williams became a success without the help of government!

Ted Williams has immense vocal talent. From the YouTube Video where he his just goofing off talking about classic sole, I find myself wanting to hear that voice.

He also has what it takes in the free market to succeed. He tried. With little resources other than a hand-printed sign and a busy intersection he auditioned until someone noticed him. Soon he will be the voice of NFL Films, the Cavaliers and many, many commercials I’m sure.

Humble beginnings are common among America’s great success stories. Facebook started in a dorm room. Apple Computer began in a garage. On the other hand, Amtrak finds it’s roots in congress.

How Did We Get From “Don’t Tread On Me” To “Don’t Touch My Junk”?

With the latest intrusion into the travel industry by big Sister, we now have X-ray machines that display your naked body to prove you are not a terrorist. If you choose not to undergo the scan you can opt for a through groping by a federal employee who may or may not touch your junk. So while 0.02% of travelers are terrorists the other 99.98% of us are now being treated as potential terrorists with our only crime having been the purchase of a ticket to ride on an airplane.

I have a better solution, and the first step is for the federal government needs to get out of the airline security business.

The second step is to identify the party most motivated to provide security for air travel.

Who has the most motivation to not have the American fleet of airplanes damaged? Who has the most to loose if travelers are harmed?

The answer: the private businesses that make up the airline industry. The owners of these multi-million dollar pieces of equipment have a huge and immediate stake in keeping their investments secure. Also, the airlines are not in business to have their customers injured or killed.

Therefore what Homeland security should do is give security personnel hired directly by the airlines total jurisdiction to screen passengers by any means necessary. If a bouncer can deny me entry to a bar for whatever subjective reason he can come up with, then the airlines should be empowered to do the same. They should also get a pass on any "Discrimination" lawsuits as it pertains to security.

How would this be better?

First, no excessive pat-downs of grandmothers, toddlers or nuns.

Why?

Because any airline that gains a reputation for unnecessarily harassing their customers will loose said customers to competing airline with better screening processes.

This would also mean less cost of personnel at the airport, less expensive equipment (because the use would be limited to when necessary) and more overall security.

I believe that the government can also have a role in this system as well. Currently anyone purchasing one-way-tickets with cash are immediately flagged as potential drug dealers (I know this because a former co-worker of mine who was a frequent flier told me about being questioned by security on one of his business trips). But anyone purchasing a ticket usually does so with a credit card, and tickets require you to provide a name for every ticket purchased. It would not be difficult for FBI and CIA watch lists to be cross referenced with anyone purchasing a ticket. They would then alert local airline security to prevent any malevolent behavior.

Okay, yes I am suggesting Profiling.

But Profiling is done all the time. The highway patrol doesn't set up drunk driving checkpoints on Arbor day, but they do on New Years eve? Why? Because more people are out drinking on New Years! Is this profiling? In a way, yes. But in a bigger way it is a more reasonable allocation of resources. If you had a checkpoint on every street pulling over every car to check for drunk drivers at nine in the morning that would sound silly. But somehow that mentality has lead to the harassing three-year-olds as potential terrorists by the federal government.

Sure there are a lot of non-terror-seeking Muslims that fly, and they would be more likely to be additionally screened under this system than the average white-collar traveler, but so far the few Muslims that have caused problems have ruined it for all of us. But if those few bad Muslims had only ruined it for all Muslims then we might see more of an outcry from the American Muslim community about foreign-born terrorism than we have seen in the past 9 years.

Maybe I’m overreacting, but if a TSA worker is going to feel me up they should at least have the courtesy to buy me a drink first!

Welcome to the Pro-Life Cause, Liberals!

This week scientists discovered “the Liberal gene.” Scientists say that people "with a specific variant of the DRD4 gene were more likely to be liberal as adults." However, the, subjects were only more likely to have leanings to the left if they were also socially active during adolescence.”

So this means you not only have to have the gene, but also be one of the “Cool kids” in high school. Maybe Dennis Miller is right when he says adult life is just high school with money.

Here is my question: Is this gene identifiable prenatally? If so, does this open up the option for centrist to conservatives (fiscal, not social obviously) parents to abort their unborn bearded Marxists?

Since there is no word on a conservative gene, does this mean that liberals, hoping to pass on their love of tyranny (as long as they are the tyrants) is dependent on them bringing the next generation to term.

Therefore, be pro-life. The next generation of liberals depends on it!

Source: Scientists Find 'Liberal Gene' | NBC San Diego

It’s a hard knock life…

Okay I could be timelier on this and have posted it last week but since when is this blog about cutting edge news?

Last week after several hard hits in college and pro football, the NFL announced that it would start penalizing players for helmet-to-helmet hits with suspensions.

While you will find virtually nobody making the pro-head injury side of the argument (The closest you will get is Steelers linebacker James Harrison saying he wants to hurt people not injure them), avoiding head injuries is easy. Don’t play football.

The league minimum salary in the NFL is $325,000. Keep in mind that is the guy just barely making the traveling team and spending most of his time on the practice squad. The average American only makes less than one sixth of that. (Approximately $50,000).

But your big name guys who to not only actually get be on the field, but sometimes even touch the ball get paid a lot more. Football is a young man’s game, and typically a millionaire’s game.

The question is, for a million dollars how hard are you willing to be hit in the head? Keep in mind if you are capable of reading this far down on the page you probably don’t currently have a concussion. But that is essentially one of several factors in the high rate of pay of professional athletes, especially football. It’s hazard pay!

It’s the same reason an oil rig worker makes more than a first year law school graduate.

Why do these guys on defense hit so hard? The simple answer, because they’re paid to do so. Why to the guys on offense let them? Because they’re paid to also! If you want to be safe in your job for a long time, be an accountant.

the wedding toast

And the story behind this story:
Getting Stuck in the Snow is Easier than you Think

Not only did I publicly humiliate myself in front of complete strangers, I had it recorded and am no broadcasting it across the internet for anyone who did not attend the wedding?!

The First Lady went to Spain

- to the tune of “Never been to Spain” by 3 Dog Night

The First lady went Spain
And forty friends went with her
I hear they all went insane there
Financed by the tax payer
During a recession
Adds to my depression
Feels like oppression

Now take the guy from England
He’s got some wherewithal
When he headed for the US
Decided to fly commercial
Saved some moulah
That’s so cool, Michelle
Could take a lesson
…Take a lesson

Well, I never been to Harvard
But I’ve taken Economics
They told me not to overspend
Because it causes deficits
On the budget
They’re in the red, by
A trillion dollars!
A trillion dollars!


Lyrics by Andy Zoric

Illegal Immigration to Oklahoma, not Arizona, what does it matter?

The democrats are politicizing this issue for entirely the wrong reason, but are somehow have found themselves on the right side of the issue.

Illegal immigration is a problem in Arizona and here are my thoughts on the law (without having been able to find a full text copy of the bill, and having read multiple summaries from news sites).

The law states that if you are suspected of a crime by police in Arizona, and you are proven to not be either an American Citizen or a legal immigrant then you are deported, or you could receive some more sever punishment than otherwise.

This is a great law if you operate under the assumption that everyone coming into this country illegally is doing so just to commit crimes in a new land.

This is not the case. This has never been the case with immigration, and for much of the history immigrants built this country. Our best days were the days of the melting pot where people of many nationalities came to be American, and as the integration of the Italians, Polish, British, Jewish and Spanish cultures happened over a few generations the early history of America, so will the integration of Mexican people.

Immigration is similar to gun control, in that when you make guns illegal, then anyone with a gun becomes illegal by proxy. The immigration standards to get into the US are so strict that it becomes less of a hassle to sneak in through wilderness and risking life and limb to get here rather than go through the legal process. You have essentially made immigration illegal and the only way for most Mexicans to migrate is to do so illegally!

Now that I've said that: HOW EFFIING BAD IS IT IN MEXICO THAT YOU ARE WILLLING TO GO THROUGH THAT MUCH TROUBLE TO BREAK FEDERAL LAW?!

There is a fact that anytime you have an expatriate settlement in a new land a certain criminal element comes with it. But that is always the minority. There are others that are slow to acclimate themselves to a new culture, think of it as the 80/20 rule.

Generally speaking I think you will end up with mostly the criminal element being dealt with by this Arizona law. Therefore, if you operate under the premise that existing immigration policy is good and just then this law, which empowers local law enforcement to enforce existing immigration law, is just fine and dandy.

Still you have a bulk of them trying to find a better life here than they would otherwise have had back home.

Also, one factor you have here is that there is a state’s rights issue here. If Arizona wants to limit immigration, they, under the 10th amendment should have that right. Texas has a very well used death penalty, Massachusetts does not. Does Boston have more violent crime than Austen? I don’t know off the top of my head, but people have the right to choose their state’s laws, and 71% of Arizona voters want this.

What the Democrats have done to politicize the issue is to make insinuations of race upon anyone who does not support amnesty (Reagan supported amnesty because let's face it, there are better ways to spend the federal budget without raising taxes). But the Democrats want to give something to the Hispanic population, a significantly sized minority, in exchange for expanding the voter base in their favor.

Why? Because in the current political climate they can't win without bribing voters, and anyone who opposes them is going to be called a racist!

Therefore the Democrats have the right idea, yet for the wrong reason. But it goes beyond that. Mexican-Americans are generally Christian (mostly Catholic), pro life, anti gay marriage, believe in strong family values... Essentially members of the religious right! And a generation away from outnumbering blacks as the largest minority in the US. The Hispanic vote is why the ballot initiative for gay marriage in California failed. Did you hear me: GAY MARRIAGE FAILED IN CALIFORNIA!!!

The real solution is to make the immigration process less cumbersome, give these people tax ID's and when they see all those deductions on their paychecks then they'll continue to vote Republican!

So here I am agreeing in practice with the Democrats, but not on principle!

Life imitates art? Or Who got it backwards?

Hi!

Remember me? It’s been a while.

But here goes.

I hear President Obama is set to make an appearance on next week’s episode American Idol. The episode is entitled “Idol gives back” and is a charity fundraiser that to date has provided millions in funding for deserving organizations.

Now for the funny part…

Dennis Quaid probably could have made dozens of movies in the past decade playing caricatures of George W. Bush. Naturally, he bears a slight resemblance to the 43th president though slightly more macho looking. Come to think of it, he’s probably more suited to play former Florida Governor, Jeb Bush. But I digress.

Quaid probably didn’t want to be forever type cast as a bumbling commander in chief and wanted the opportunity to play more serious roles, like the commanding officer in “GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra” so he really only satirized President Bush twice. The least memorable of which was a movie called “American Dreamz.”

American Dreamz, from what I recall from the previews (I, like 99% of everybody never actually saw the movie) an unpopular president, who just isn’t that smart, is set up by his staff to appear on a popular music talent show. I swear I am not making it up, you can see all the details here on IMDB.

Normally here I would say something like “You can’t make this stuff up!” But someone obviously did, but I’m not sure what the appropriate phrase is when something so improbable happens in real life that is right out of the plot of a horrible movie? Now we have another unpopular president who seems to have no idea how our economy works, and less of an idea how to fix it now seems to need to be seen on one of the most popular shows just so somebody will applaud when he is speaking. I only wish I were making this stuff up!

There is no doubt that people who make movies are overwhelmingly of the liberal nature. And anyone who has ever spoken to a liberal knows that it’s not just opinion, it’s a consuming mindset. While it is highly unlikely that the makers of “American Dreamz” and Obama’s cabinet are the same people we do know their brain’s work the same way.

Do they really think this will help the president? If it does we could see Obama in a lot more Prime Time situations.

“2 and a Half Men”
Charlie meets the President in a bar they get to talking and after breaking the seal Charlie complains about a burning sensation. After more conversation about Charlie’s lifestyle Barack tells him that it’s probably Gonorrhea and he can get it cured in 3 years once the healthcare bill goes into full swing.

“Undercover Boss”
President Obama works the assembly line at a GM plant. Cars fall apart faster than the US Economy.

“House”
Obama goes in for a checkup, and Dr. House is worried that once Obamacare becomes available to all Americans nobody will ever need a doctor again. Obama consoles House by saying he will meet all sorts of new and interesting people in the unemployment line!

“24”
Jack Bauer gets shot, President Obama uses the power of Obamacare to heal him.

“Lost”
Obama travels to an alternate timeline where he is still senator, Mitt Romney is president, the American economy is strong, energy independent, and is winning in Iraq and Afghanistan. Obama then tries to nuke the island so he can realign the universe.

It just occurred to me that my description of Lost makes no sense if you haven’t been watching for 6 years!

Who would have thought that going Rogue would involve so many lines?

In Columbus Ohio there is something special about the second Friday in November. Everyone is in their scarlet and/or gray. There is a vibe about the city as we collectively gather our concious toward the united goal of seeing the Ohio State Buckeyes defeat that team up north. Yesterday was that day, and I was a part of the biggest crowd in the city. Yet there were no cries of "O-H!" nor the expected replies of "I-O!" No band played "We Don't Give A Damn For The Whole State of Michigan" and the next victory we were all rallying for was change in leadership in congress. I am a Buckeye fan, but today I am more excited because I might get to meet the biggest celebrity in the country: Sarah Palin.

On Monday, the day before her book, "Going Rogue" was released, I just happened to catch the news saying that Sarah would be signing her book at the Borders on Sawmill Road. This particular store is only a couple miles from my house so I cleared it with work to stand in line by taking half the day off. The plan was to get in line around noon and be part of the masses who can't get enough of the conservative governor. That was plan A.

My plans started to change on Thursday night. After a workout at the gym my wife, a fan of standing in lines for limited quantities of things, especially on the third Friday in November agreed with me to check out the Borders and see what time I actually needed to get there. Krystle had a better instinct than I on scoping things out because when we got there roughly a day before the signing was scheduled to start there were already a handful of tents set up for people looking to spend the night on the sidewalk in front of the store to be the first in line to get the required wristband that gets you in to get the autograph... essentially these people were standing in line for the right to stand in line. My opinion on this subject comes from comedian Ron White who once said, "I wouldn't camp out all night if I was... camping!"

So we went home.

At this point I formulated plan C. I got up early, went to work then drove over to Borders at about 9 AM. The parking lot was filled... not just the parking lot for the book store, but the parking lot for the entire strip mall. I ended up parking across the street at Flanagan, a popular bar with sand volleyball courts. That parking lot was empty at 9 AM.

I did not realize exactly how long that line was, so when I parked across the street (unseen to the north on the photo) so I ended up walking the entire length of the line, with my book in hand, to it's end three quarters around the entire complex. This was a bit disheartening.

But I started talking to my fellow conservatives and making friends with them.

We were all in good spirits but rumors started working their way down the line that they were cutting the wristband from 1000 to 500 because Sarah is just not getting all the signing done.

We tried being optimistic despite being somewhere in the 700's.

Once the line started moving we felt like progress was being made. We eventually made it to just a few dozen yards from the front door, and that's when people started coming out telling us that there were no more wristbands left.

Slightly disheartened, but not defeated we said our goodbyes.

I went back to work having taken most of my half-day in the morning. I grabbed some lunch worked on some stored procedures and left around 3, came home and took a nap.

That evening after Krystle and I had dinner she wanted to run to the post office and Sam's Club. After that I said, let's just go to Borders and see what was going on? She couldn't believe how full the parking lot was (again, not the Borders parking lot but the lot for the whole strip mall). I made my way to the front doors of the store while Krystle looked for Rose Bowl shirts at Buckeye Corner. I was talking and joking with some other conservatives who had a group called "WALNUT" it was a spoof of ACORN. We talked for a bit when some activity started on the inside.

Sarah Palin was coming out to greet the crowd!

While that video was of low quality, it needs some explanation. The line at the front of the store was people who did not get wristbands but stood in line during the book signing anyway. Sarah herself came out, and unhooked the velvet rope that marked the beginning of the line. The harsh words you heard were probably the three protesters on the side.

Somehow I ended up in the mob that subsequently rushed into the doors, but because I was there on a whim and not as part of an official plan D I walked around the store, tried to get a photo, but it wasn't possible because Sarah was way in the back blocked off from lookie-loos like me.

I made a quick phone call and met up with Krystle... I didn't want to buy another book so we went home.... about a block from home I said, "Do you have your keys?" She said yes and I asked her to run in, grab my book while I turned the car around.

I was home and back in less than fifteen minutes and they let me back in line!

It looked like Plan E would be the one to work! Twelve hours later I'm back in line, but this time payoff is looking real.

Again, in good spirits, joking and having fun with the other conservatives around me I was not only in line, but only feet from the entrance to the bookstore... no, now I'm in the book store... They're telling me what page the governor will sign... It's really happening!

The line wound around the store and into a back part were curtians supported by pipes formed a make-shift room. An aide took my book while the governor shook my hand and signed it with a smile. Now my story of a long day can conclude with a happy ending.

So, these being the largest lines I have ever stood in, Sarah Palin is officially bigger than Star Wars Episode I. Sarah Palin draws Jim Tressle level crowds (that means something in this city). And if you can believe this, Sarah Palin is also WAYYYYYYY Better looking in person!

On the Issues in Ohio November 2009 – including casinos!

Issue 1: Veteran Compensation Fund

Issue 1 would authorize the state of Ohio to borrow and spend $200 million to "provide compensation to Ohio veterans of the Persian Gulf, Afghanistan, and Iraq conflicts, and to pay for the administration of the Persian Gulf, Afghanistan, and Iraq Conflicts Compensation Bond Retirement Fund and the Persian Gulf, Afghanistan, and Iraq Conflicts Compensation Fund." Veterans who served in the Persian Gulf, Iraq and Afghanistan would receive a $100 cash bonus for each month they served, not to exceed a total of $1,000 per veteran.

This is simple redistribution of wealth. Compounding this issue is that the state is bankrupt. And we are going to borrow more money? This inevitably results in higher taxes and a further corrosion of the Ohio economy in the long run.

I do support veterans. No price tag can ever be placed on their sacrifice. But it is important to remember that they do what they do in the name of freedom and liberty, not bureaucracy and red tape.

Andy votes NO!

Issue 2: Livestock Care Standards Board

The amendment proposes creating an Ohio Livestock Care Standards Board for the purpose of establishing standards governing the care of livestock and poultry.

Again, why would we create a new bureaucracy of state workers to provide quality assurance for an industry that has not had any substantial quality issues for over 200 years. Where does the money come from to pay for this? I’ll tell you were it’s not coming from: it’s not coming from the people who have already left Ohio’s confiscatory tax structure for more economically free states. That leaves the rest of us to foot the bill on this one.

There is already a system in place to keep Ohio farmers at the top of the food production industry. It’s called the free market. If Farmer Brown’s flock or herd is of poor quality, then the supermarket will purchase food from Farmer Jones. And that system doesn’t cost you anything in higher taxes… if anything it means the best quality food at the lowest prices because both farmers Brown and Jones are competing for the sale to the supermarket.

Andy votes NO!

Issue 3: Casinos (hold tight, this is a big one boys and girls)

Issue 3, if approved, will amend the Ohio Constitution to allow casinos in
Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus and Toledo.
A majority vote is required for initiative to be approved. A "yes" vote means voters approve of amending the Ohio Constitution to permit one casino each in Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus, and Toledo.

My first objection to this is of a personal nature, and one of reverence to our system of government. I do not personally believe that amending the state constitution for something as trivial as to allow casino gambling is a valid enough reason to do so. The constitution of the state should only be amended for urgent or big issue items.

The arguments for are the arguments against:

While the Ohio Fraternal Order of Police (FOP) is in support of the casino initiative claiming there will be more jobs in the Buckeye State, their ulterior motive is that there will be a substantial crime increase surrounding the casinos. While profits from the casinos will go to the local government the FOP can request additional funding for police forces. Is creating more crime so that we can afford to further fund our police forces really the best way to provide security for our citizens? In fact that’s probably the worst way to do it. It is probably more proper to just stop funding the PR campaigns like “green” initiatives and “Commit To Be Fit” that in effect take money away from vital programs like police and fire departments and why cities are raising taxes.

Another argument for the casinos is that it keeps money in Ohio. Well, Indiana, Michigan and West Virginia all have casinos that Ohioans supposedly visit. By that logic nobody from those states will ever come to Ohio to gamble. Are there really enough Ohioans fleeing the state to support four casinos in Ohio? I’d like to see the market research numbers on that!

If that is the case then this state needs some serious gambling addiction counseling!

Remember those out-of-state casinos are profitable mostly because they have regional monopolies. Adding casinos in Ohio doesn’t necessarily mean that the same formula for success will happen here, but more likely you’ll just have a lot of less-successful places where gambling is allowed.

But the taxes will provide cities and counties with much needed revenue,right? Sure the casino tax rate will be the fourth highest in the country. THAT’S THE PROBLEM IN OHIO! Ohio is the forth highest taxed state in the country and thus jobs and people are fleeing Ohio for lower taxed states. If you tax the hell out of the casino it could potentially operate at a loss. If the Casino fails then we have more empty buildings in Ohio and none of the jobs that were promised.

There’s a lot of money going into a multimedia ad campaign selling Ohioans on this casino… but what if it doesn’t deliver what it promises? It’s possible. It happened in Pittsburgh which has an economy not unlike that of Cleveland or Cincinnati.

Remember: never trust a pushy salesman. They never really have your interest in mind.

Andy votes NO!

And if I were a member of ACORN I’d vote no six or eight times!